Trade Deadline Countdown Spectacular

Trade Deadline Countdown Spectacular

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I can see it now, Alfonso Soriano stepping off the Delta Shuttle at LaGuardia looking happier than Phil Mickelson let loose in a Krispy Kreme's while the Yankees send Aaron Guiel and Shawn Chacon to Washington in return. Of course, wishful thinking is how Mets fans get through their days, so I'll quit while I'm ahead. Speaking of the Yankees and impossible/implausible trades, I think A-Rod should stay right where he is.
The guy is, after all, the reigning AL MVP and is still putting up good numbers...for Jim Leyritz. Despite going 6 for 29 in his last few games he's one of the best hitting Third Basemen in the AL; despite the fluke season Mike Lowell is having right now.
The Nationals meanwhile, are like the drunk girl at the party who makes out with everyone but then goes home with her friend. All we've heard about since practically April is how every decent player on their team was available. Now, we're less than a week from the Trade Deadline and the only deal Bowden has pulled the trigger on makes DC better? I think it's safe to say Livan Hernandez is going nowhere. I think with the recent loss of Jose Guillen for the season, the chances of DC giving up another Outfielder who can produce are slim; not to mention this certainly raises their asking price.

Who will pull the trigger and why:

Yankees: George never saw a deadline deal he didn't like. Especially if it gouges the farm system of talent, leaves Yankee fans scratching their heads or contemplating jumping off the GW Bridge. Not to mention, the Yankees need all the help they can get. I haven’t seen a team this banged up since the Simple Life 2.
Red Sox: Theo seems bored with constantly being in front of the Yankees and having Fenway full of happy, sober Bostonians. Look for him to threaten dealing Papelbon or packaging Manny and Trot for some prospects.
Blue Jays: How long are you going to be content to stare at the ass end of the Sox and Yanks? The Jays spent big last winter and are still in third place; and after cutting Shea Hillenbrand they look more lost than a dyslexic kid at a spelling bee.
Mets: Omar put together a great team, but how much do you trust a staff with 4 starters that have a combined age of 145* to get you to a World Series? I don’t even think Glavine remembers how to pitch come playoff time.
White Sox: They need another bat, especially if Thome's back gives out in September; and everyone on the South Side knows those odds are better than playing poker against Helen Keller.
Mariners: They're only 3 games out in the putrid AL West. Adrian Beltre has been a bigger bust than My Super Ex-Girlfriend and their pitching is suspect like Michael Jackson hanging out with the Boys Choir of Harlem.
A's: Barry Zito's a free agent and would probably rather spend a night running around San Quentin naked than resign with Oakland. Just about everyone is a potential buyer. He'll probably sign with the Yankees, but might end up in Queens for the rest of the season.
Dodgers: Everyone in the NL West stinks, they just seem more interested in stinking a little less.
Brewers: Seriously, why bother?


Random Observations:
Steve Phillips thinks the Yankees should trade A-Rod. Thanks Steve, hard to figure with all of your baseball knowledge and how well you mismanaged the Mets you haven’t been snapped up to be the GM of the Royals or Hickory Crawdads.
I think it’s officially time for the other 4 teams in the NL East to give up.
Screw the NL West. Who ever finishes 2nd and doesn’t get the Wild Card should automatically make the Playoffs.
Unrelated to MLB, I wouldn’t be surprised if by the end of the season a member of the Bengals is eating Simon Adebisi's Patented Prison Cornmeal.

* If El Duque is 36, I’m 17!

Le Wrap Up du Le Tour de France

British Scientists Discover Heart Inside Cyborg at Royal Liverpool

Le Wrap Up du Le Tour de France

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

You didn't really think we'd be able to make it an entire week without a member of the Cincinnati Jail Blazers getting arrested did you? This time the lucky winner was Defensive Tackle Matthias Askew who had to be Tasered by officers after apparently resisting arrest. The last time cops had to bring down a football player like that a coked up Barrett Robbins went off his meds and threatened to eat Miami. But that doesn’t explain what the hell is going on there. I mean, c'mon, it's not like Maurice Cheeks is coaching this team; and even though the Bengals would not confirm his arrest, I'd say some things are definitely out of kilter in Southern Ohio...askew perhaps?
Something’s also amiss in the Bronx, where Alex Rodriguez is suddenly playing the field like Chuck Knoblauch and handling a bat even worse. After picking up a Golden Sombrero on Saturday night, A-Job went 0-for-4 again on Sunday, but at least managed to find the first baseman's glove every time he threw the ball; unfortunately, the Yankees were Paris Hiltoned by the Blue Jays 15 - 4. With all the talk about whether or not the Yankees should trade him to ease his and their woes I've got a simple suggestion for him...stop sucking! Seriously, it’s a sad state of affairs when reports are coming in that you haven’t made an error in 2 straight games.
Tiger Woods walked away with his 11th Major Championship this weekend in fairly stunning fashion and rather than making fun of the guy who recently lost his father I'd like to ask ABC why their coverage featured so few shots of Tiger's hot wife, Elin? I guarantee you if they leaked they were going to commit to at least one Elin cutaway every 15 minutes their ratings might’ve seriously tripled! Instead, we get a 10-minute explanation from Mike Tirico about how Jack considers himself to actually have 20 Major's; which would mean that Tiger actually has 14 and blah, blah, blah, just show Elin again.
Apparently, Zizou isn’t the only Euro in the mood for a Glasgow Handshake. British Jockey, Paul O’Neill (no relation to Paul “Slayer of Gatorade Coolers” O’Neill, of Yankees fame), was thrown from his mount, City Affair, and retaliated the only way an angry Englishman knows how.
Floyd Landis won the Tour de France and no one seems to care. Maybe ESPN should pick this story up again in seven years when he's trying to break Lance Armstrong's record of seven straight. I mean, in a year when more people are interested in waiting for the next stupid thing K-Fed is going to do instead of tracking the progress of our Soccer team, expecting people to watch a guy in bright green spandex, not named Armstrong, ride a bike for six hours makes less sense than Hasselhoff giving up drinking…everyone knows a drunken Hasselhoff is a funny Hasselhoff!

Random Observations:
Alfonso Soriano says he wants to say in Washington. The same Soriano who was less than thrilled about going to Washington and then upon his arrival declared he didn't want to play the outfield, that Soriano? Okay, just checking.
I’m so happy Training Camp is finally here, J.P. Losman can start sucking again.
Donald Trump has apparently expressed interest in buying the Chicago Cubs…so he can make it the Classiest and most successful franchise in the history of Major League Baseball!
Seriously though, how pissed off are the French right now? An American has won their Tour 8 straight years. How much longer before they start pelting American riders with Snails, Goose Livers and expensive fungi?

Next Week:
With the MLB Trade Deadline fast approaching, keep an eye peeled for my Deadline Special comprised of deals I’d like to see go down. I’m not actually saying I’ll write one, but keep an eye peeled anyway.
The beginning of the end of the Mike McCarthy Era begins in Green Bay. They do know the guy was an Offensive Coordinator for the 49ers, right?
Since every member of the Bengals, who’s not already in prison, will be on a football field arrests should drop by at least 70%.