Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Week 7 Wrap Up

Rams Also Winless, but Still Better than Dolphins

Week 7 Wrap Up

Wednesday, October 23, 2007

Another week in the books in the NFL, another awful team beaten by the Patriots to parades and balloons falling from the sky; another good team beaten by the Colts to…crickets. So you’re probably wondering why I didn’t get around to posting this in the morning and the answer is pretty simple. When you work all day and then spend 5 hours in a hot kitchen making Veal Scallopini you’re not so jazzed up to get home and be witty at midnight.
The Ravens blew another one on Sunday, one week after Kyle Boller actually played like a quarterback, he remembered who he was and while he didn’t stick it up; he didn’t do all that much to help Baltimore win either. This game must’ve had people in
Buffalo praying for the middle of hockey season, as neither team passed for more than 200 yards and barely combined for 230 yards on the ground. Trent Edwards picked up where his predicesor left off having a Losmantastic game going 11-for-21 for 139 yards and an INT.
The Bucs squandered a golden opportunity to take over sole possession of first place in the NFC South when they failed to beat the Lions. Costly fumbles and basically playing like they did last season doomed
Tampa to suffer a fate almost worse than death…losing to the Detroit Lions.
The Redskins did everything they could to hand Godboy and the Cardinals the win, except when it was all said and done, they managed to hang on for a 21 – 19 victory. Jason Campbell played more like Neve Campbell (remember her?), going 12-for-18 with less than 100 yards passing and an INT; while the Redskins offense generally make the Cardinals look, well, good. Despite all of that, you had to know the game was over when Tim Rattay took the field…TD or no TD.
Eli Manning proved me wrong (sort of) as the Giants opened up a 33 – 9 lead on the 49ers before a meaningless TD made the final score 33 – 15. Although “Little Brother” threw 2 TD’s, he didn’t really help the Giants as much as Osi Umenyiora, who recorded his League-leading 8th sack, or Aaron Ross, who shut down San Francisco’s wide receivers and even recorded a sack of his own. Looking at it another way, the Giants offense was really only responsible for 28% (24 points coming off recovered fumbles or interceptions) of the total output…kinda like Ben Affleck writing “Good Will Hunting.”

Miami continued their march towards that other record, and fresh off putting MENSA member Trent Green on IR for the rest of the season, allowed New England to come into their house and skeet all over them 49 – 28. Miami’s playing fantastic crappy unspeakably bad right now, so much so, I’m actually afraid there aren’t going to be enough drugs to keep the people of Magic City satiated until January; especially considering aside from home games against the Bills and Jets, 0 – 16 could be a reality.
Speaking of the Jets, I’m pretty sure I told you so. When I walked into Brother Jimmy’s with my buddies, the Rabbi and Robert Chambers, the Jets had opened up a 23 – 10 and the three of us were speechless. Not as speechless as I was when the Rabbi tried to pick up these three hideous looking girls about 10 minutes later, but close. A quick note about the Rabbi & RC: The Rabbi has this ability to find beauty in any girl he sees; I have no doubt in my mind he’d hit on Melanie Griffith right this second, even though she looks like she’s wearing a 1987 issue Melanie Griffith mask that’s a little too small for her. Anyway, in no time at all, the Bengals had turned a 23 – 10 deficit into a 38 – 23 lead; the final 7 points coming off a Chadita interception as the Jets were driving to tie the game. I really hope Dennis the Menace has the heart to put Chaditha out of his misery; he’s a little like Barbaro…you hate to see it happen, but we all know that sooner or later he’s destined to become burger meat for Wendy’s and paste for little kids to eat.
New Orleans has been able to put together a little “win streak” beating Seattle and now Atlanta; unfortunately for the Saints they played worse at home than they did in Seattle and needed a late TD from Reggie Bush to secure a victory. They also got a little help from the Human Triage Unit, Byron Leftwich, who re-injured his ankle for the 497th time and had to be replaced by Joey Heisman.
When RC, the Rabbi and I left Brother Jimmy’s the Titans were absolutely destroying Texans; imagine my surprise when we got downtown to an awful bar that will remain nameless (cough, cough: Heartland Brewery) and a surly waitress who will also remain nameless (sneeze: Jill), to find out the Titans had given up 29 4th Quarter points and had to rely on a last second field goal from Rob Bironas; his 8th, an NFL Record. Adding further embarrassment to the Titans is the fact that after losing Matt Shaub to injury, the
Texas brought in Sage Rosenfels who absolutely flayed them in the 4th. I don’t even know what to say about that.
Elsewhere, the Chiefs won a horribly boring game, beating the Raiders 12 – 10; the Cowboys won with a little help from Tavaris Jackson; the Eagles screwed the pooch allowing a final-minute-go-ahead drive at the hands of Brian Griese (which is sort of like getting beaten up by the kid from Jerry Maguire); and the Seahawks pooped on the Rams 33 – 6.
Sunday night saw another curve ball come our way, as the Pittsburgh Steelers couldn’t get it done in what should’ve been a walk-over against the Broncos. Instead, Jay Cutler played greatagain throwing 2 picks and fumbling once; but when it was all said and done, Denver squeaked by yet again on the trust right foot of Jason Elam.
Monday night, while I was cooking, Indy’s defense was shutting down
Jacksonville and the League’s best defense was being picked apart by Peyton Manning. Manning was Manning, working with exactly what he was given picking his spots while throwing for 259 yards. Dwight Freeney got into the act with a sack, that registered a safety, and Bob Sanders did what he does best. The Patriots continue to play cream puffs and get the accolades while the Colts play real teams and get overlooked…which seems just fine with them.

Random Observations:
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the Bears face a pretty tough test when the Lions come to Soldier Field.
ESPN’s coverage of the
MiamiNew England game actually read, “Brady’s Bunch Pounds the Dolphins.” Um yeah, I’m not really comfortable seeing the words “Brady” and “Pound” in the same sentence…
The Pats opponents have a won/loss record of 17-28; the Colts opponents have a 20-18 record…nuff said.

Next Week:
The Dolphins look to remain winless with a “home” game against the Giants at Wembley Stadium…uh, that’s
England for those of you that failed 4th grade geography. Incidentally, this game also marks the beginning of the end of the Giants season…
The Eagles continue to not live up to expectations when they travel to
Chad Pennington isn’t really going to be the Jets starter against the Bills, is he…?

Unsubstantiated Sports Rumor of the Week:
Mike Vick plans on selling Bad Newz Kennels to raise money for his defense.

Photo Credit: Dave Einsel – AP.


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