Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Week 14 Wrap Up

’72 Dolphins Disavow Existence of Current Team

Week 14 Wrap Up

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The TMQB has made its return from Vegas where, as I mentioned to a couple buddies of mine, I stayed away from the craps table. I did lay some money on a couple parlays, trying to have a little extra booze money in my pocket, which was rendered virtually useless when I went to one of the clubs where my buddy Sal works and drank Maker’s Mark until I went blind, cut my ear off and thought I was Hemmingway until realized I was just passed out on the bathroom floor being spooned by one of the girls who dances in the cages suspended from the ceiling. That aside, Vegas was fun…fun enough for the TMQB to relocate from New York City, the greatest city on the planet and home to the Shame of the National Basketball Association…? Probably not. So here we go.
Well, another Sunday has passed and for yet another week I have to hear my buddies from Boston yammer on about the Patriots. Look, I’m not saying that the Patriots going undefeated would ruin my life; but I would rather give up red meat for a year than see them win out. Although, it would make me just as happy to see them go 18 – 1, with that one loss coming in late January. So rather than belabor this, let’s just move on to the other games.
Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse for the Washington Redskins, in the wake of losing the talented Sean Taylor, they lose Jason Campbell to an injury.
Washington’s starter, Campbell, dislocated his kneecap, and is probably done for the season. Seriously (and this comes from someone who’s dislocated and subluxed and separated his shoulder on multiple occasions), I can’t even imagine how much a dislocated kneecap hurts. With Campbell gone, the Redskins were still able to beat the lowly Bears 24 – 16, who were better in virtually every category except the one that mattered…points. The Bears are kinda like the Spice Girls reunion: they’re all “talented” in their own way, but then you put them all together and it’s really frightening to watch.
The Miami Dolphins continued their march towards a very different kind of record, one that Don Shula’s boys probably aren’t too happy about; especially with the Patriots on the verge of an undefeated season of their own. The Dolphins went up to
Buffalo and got pimp-slapped by the Bills 38 – 17, in a game that was never close. This was a sorry, sorry game and I feel just a little bad for all the people in Buffalo who were forced to sit through it. A game that saw Trent Edwards do his best JP Losman impersonation passing for only 165 yards, Miami had 8 fumbles and lost three of them, and their defense allowed not one, but two 100-yard rushers…in the same game. I don’t know what it feels like to be a Dolphins fan, but it’s probably something along the lines of taking a baseball to the figs!
I commented to my buddy Beansy last week, or possibly to Brunhilde, that the chances the Jets would come away with a victory over the Browns on Sunday were about as good as the chances that Britney would ask a dude to wear a rubber. I think actually, my exact words were: “The Jets beating the Browns this weekend is a little like Britney Spears having sex with a guy and asking him to wear a condom; it's just not gonna happen.” Brunhilde wanted to do a little editing, but she’s not writing this thing so I had her buy me a drink instead…thanks for the Pabst! Anyway, the Jets did lose, although this was another one of those games that made me wish there was a vice attached to the bar, so I could at least entertain myself. I’d tell you the final score, but we’re talking about the Jets & Browns…no one really cares, not even people in
New York’s other football team managed a victory over the Eagles who looked absolutely putrid. The Giants won this snooze fest by the final of 16 – 13, although the argument could be made that neither team was really trying to win, which is just awful. I need a Paxil just to talk about this game!
Here’s my synopsis of the following games. Oakland at Green Bay, boring! St. Louis at Cincinnati, boring! Carolina at Jacksonville, boring! The Cowboys provided some drama for the good rednecks of Dallas when the almost fell to the lowly Lions, who have now lost 5 straight games; and call me crazy, but I don’t think John Kitna’s 11-win plateau is going to be reached this season. Dallas came out flat, like they always do and got exposed again, but unfortunately for most of us, the Detroit Lions are, after all, the Detroit Lions and do stink. As such, they couldn’t hold a lead and now I have to hear about the “Legend of Tony Romo” for another friggin week! Like Tony Romo is fucking Pecos Bill or something…please!
Another bad team that everyone thinks is good that also eked out a victory on Sunday were the Chargers.
San Diego was losing to Tennessee the entire game, only to tie it at the end of regulation and then hand the ball to Mr. Reliable LaDainian Tomlinson for the overtime score. I’m sure it didn’t help that the Titans defense gave up 14-points in the 4th Quarter. As a result, the Chargers are all but assured of winning the AFC Train Wreck Division, but at least I can laugh when they lose to the Browns or Jaguars in a few weeks.
Speaking of schadenfreude,
Denver absolutely destroyed Kansas City 41 – 7; and while normally I’d be rooting for the Chiefs, sometimes it’s just nice to see a good beat down. Still, just like Tony Romo doing what he’s supposed to against Detroit’s suspect secondary, Jay Cutler is supposed to play well against the Chiefs. Well enough, in fact, that he should’ve had like 7 TD passes instead of 4.
The Vikings kept their slim playoff hopes alive, beating the listless 49ers who would happily accept a guy in a George Seifert mask right about now or, ya’know, a decent Quarterback.
Seattle touched up Arizona 42 – 21, in a match where you just hoped Kurt Warner didn’t break anything.
Sunday nights big game featured what should’ve been a tough test for the Colts, instead it resembled Anderson Silva’s beat down of Rich Franklin. New Champ taking it to the old Champ and landing blows at will. By halftime, the score was 37 – 7 and Tony Dungy (you remember him, right? The Head Coach of a football team who actually has class?), was getting ready to pull his starters because he’s confident enough in his defense that when you’ve got a 37-point lead (44 – 7, before Manning and the crew came out midway through the 3rd Quarter) and the other team scores a touchdown, it’s not the end of the world.
Finally last night’s game featuring
Atlanta battling New Orleans, in a game with nothing on the line and nothing at stake. I’ll tell you the Saints won, but it doesn’t really matter, even if they somehow make it to the Playoffs…which they won’t.

Random Observations:
The Oakland Raiders have nothing left to play for right? Why is JaMarcus Russell not playing in these games? Oh, that’s right, because their coach is like 14 and probably jealous.
Am I the only one wondering when someone is going to take a shot at Tom Brady when he’s still in the game during a blowout? Who knows, Mangini is a Belichick disciple, he’s probably petty enough to do it.
The Rams and Bengals are a combined 8 – 18 this season…what the hell is going on?!?!?!?

Next Week:
First Saturday game of the Season…
Cincinnati at San Francisco. I’m pretty sure I can find paint drying or a cat playing with a ball of string…
Baltimore might actually let Miami win. I mean, you never know, they just might.
If the Raiders performance against the Packers was any indication, it’s going to be a very long afternoon in
Oakland when the Colts come to town.

Unsubstantiated Sports Rumor of the Week:
Belichick discussing giving Purple Nurple to Mangini after post-game hug.

Image Credit: Dana Verkouteren - AP

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Week 13 Wrap Up

Refs Help Pats Keep Perfect Season Alive!

Week 13 Wrap Up

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Hey kids, so I know it’s been a while since I last posted in the TMQB, but obviously I made going to work during the day, culinary school at night and trying to write this fucking thing seem a whole lot easier a few weeks ago.
So when I got home last night around 11, right before I jumped in the shower, but before I started to tourne potatoes (don’t even get me started), I turned on the TV just in time to see the Losmantacular Kyle Boller throw a pick on a drive that would’ve surely sealed Baltimore’s victory over the “Immortal” Patriots. Because I was working with knives while sitting on my couch drinking beers at 11:20, I didn’t think it was such a good idea to watch the end of the game, but who am I kidding; me watching sports and then writing about it is kinda like Au Bon Pain not getting back to you after you’ve complained about crappy service…it’s what we do! So I turned back, and wouldn’t you know it, the refs were gearing up to give Brady and the boys a chance to win when a phantom holding penalty wiped out what should’ve been the Patriots 4th and final shot at getting in the End Zone. Instead, they were set up on the 8-yard line and scored a couple plays later. I mean, what happened to “let them play”? You didn’t see the refs giving the Browns a TD on a questionable call at the end of their game against the Cardinals, did you? Well, shit all over my Monday night NFL, thank you very much! I don’t know what the city of
Boston did to have things going the way they’re going, but honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if next season Theo Epstein jumped out of the stands, clubbed Joba Chamberlain with a Shillelagh and Bed Selig just looked the other way as if it never happened. So obviously, you all know the Pats won and I’m through talking about it; so moving on…
Dallas took down Green Bay on Thursday night in a game that was watched by about 17 households because the NFL is stupid and no one has their “network.” Which basically meant that if you weren’t at a bar, you weren’t able to watch the Cowboys play another sloppy game in which they happened to come out on top. Honestly, if Dallas is the class of the NFC; can’t we just let the Patriots and Colts play in the Super Bowl?
Houston went into Tennessee looking to beat the old Oilers. Instead, Vince Young exploded for 248 passing yards (look, when you’re talking about VY, 248 is an explosion), and kept the Titans slim playoff hopes alive. Houston, meanwhile, is done…kaput…finito. I don’t know which I find funnier, the fact that Atlanta let Matt Shaub go to Houston only to have Mike Vick start killing defenseless animals; or that Matt Shaub has proven himself about as useful to the Texans as Mike Vick has proven himself to the Falcons this season. So a 28 – 20 loss, almost ensures that the Texans will spend yet another season at the bottom of the AFC South.
Elsewhere in the AFC South, the Colts were trying their best to increase their lead over the Jaguars and all but wrap up the division. Not only did they win and open up a two-game division lead, but the Colts also intercepted David Garrard for the first time this season (231 passes without an INT). Aside from that, a couple big Bob Sanders hits and a
Jacksonville 2-point conversion, this game was pretty uneventful.
While the Colts were doing their job and beating a team at home, the Chiefs were busily losing to the Chargers and helping them extend their lead in the Tara Reid Division a/k/a the AFC West. I’m calling it the Tara Reid Division because it’s just plain awful! In recent years the Chiefs had owned the Chargers in
Kansas City; although in recent years the Yankees were the best team in baseball, Britney Spears was attractive and television writers actually worked for a living.
Elsewhere around the League, the Falcons couldn’t get it done against the inexplicably as bad Rams,
Minnesota took Detroit out behind the woodshed and the Jets touched up the Dolphins by almost the same margin of victory. That margin, you ask? About 30-points…ouch! And by the way, what is up with the Rams this season? Were they really that one dimensional that when Steven Jackson went down they couldn’t win games? Oh, that’s right, he was healthy when the started the season 0 – 3.
Also seemingly incapable of winning football games, or at least more than one in a row are the Philadelphia Eagles. A team and city that has turned on its starting quarterback faster than Lohan weaving through traffic doing 120 on La Brea with half an 8-ball stuffed into her nostril. Well, anyway, McNabb’s replacement AJ Feeley, was in an especially Losmantastic mood and threw 3 picks to Lofa Tatupu, as well as one more for good measure. When it was all said and done, he still managed to out-pass Matt Hasselbeck and the Eagles had a bonafide chance to win, but you know god isn’t an Eagles fan; so instead the city of “un-Brotherly Love” has another loss and is all but assured of spending the Playoffs on the couch.
On a more somber note, the Washington Redskins started Sunday’s game with only ten men on defense as a tribute to their fallen teammate Sean Taylor.
Taylor, as you’ve probably heard by now, was senselessly shot and killed during an attempted robbery in his home last Tuesday night. The Redskins lost when Joe Gibbs attempted to ice Bills kicker Ryan Lindell by calling two consecutive time-outs, which is a no-no and made his 51-yard attempt a virtual chip-shot after a 15-yard unsportsmanlike penalty. You can’t blame the guy though, and as much fun as the Redskins as I make, it would’ve been nice to see them win this one.
Meanwhile, in
North Carolina, Uncle Vinny was leading the Panthers past the 49ers, who are locked in a heated battle with the Jets, Falcons and Rams for the second overall pick in the 2008 Draft (which you better believe I’m going to preview the crap out of!). On the other side of the country, Oakland was beating Denver and although things didn’t get out of hand, 14-year old Lane Kiffin felt comfortable enough to send rookie quarterback JaMarcus Russell into the game for a few snaps. The Chosen One, Jay Cutler, had another “stellar” day; going 16-of-32 for 214 yards passing, no TD’s and 2 INT’s…like I said, stellar.
In other news, the Cardinals beat the Browns, the Giants somehow beat the Bears even though they were losing virtually the entire game; the Bucs beat the Saints and the Steelers beat the Bengals. I don’t really care how any of these things happened, but they did.

Oh, one more note that is totally unrelated to football; this one having to do with the Mets trade of Lastings Milledge to the Washington Nationals for an also-ran catcher, Brian Schneider and a utility outfielder Ryan Church. Wait, did I miss something there? The Mets traded their former top prospect and a guy that virtually every scout agrees is going to develop into a big time player for two guys who probably won’t be on the team come 2009…? I was talking to my buddy Beansy today and passed along a comment I made to a mutual friend of ours. It went a little like this:
“First you guys trade Kasmir and then you basically send Lastings Milledge to the Nationals for a catcher that hits .230 and has apparently suspect defense and a guy who can be your fifth outfielder...who also can't hit? If Minaya wanted to get serious, he could've had Johan Santata wearing Mets blue right now by sending Milledge and probably a couple prospects to Minnesota. Instead, Omar left Whitney's crack room just long enough to give up a future star on the Nats for a can of Diet Shasta Orange and a half-eaten bag of Funnions!”
So that’s my two-cents on that. I think Omar must be huffing something. I don’t know how else you explain that trade, I really don’t.

Random Observations:
I’m thinking the Houston Texans are the Tampa Bay Devil Rays of the NFL.
I’m still pissed about this, but that is not a call a referee should make, not on fourth down, not with less than a minute to play, not from inside the 10-yard line.
Remember when Anna Kournikova used to be famous? I was watching that K-Swiss commercial of her “playing tennis” and was thinking to myself that I can’t imagine her doing anything but plucking the hairs off the mole on Enrique Iglesias’ face…

Next Week:
The Patriots find another way to thief victory from the jaws of defeat against the Steelers.
The Jets are going to lose to the
Cleveland Browns…it’s gonna happen!
Mercifully, the Dolphins at Bills game is the first game of the afternoon; which means that if I get really drunk on Saturday night, I can sleep through the entire thing.

Unsubstantiated Sports Rumor of the Week:
Belichick has tape of Goodell waxing his carrot while watching an N’Sync concert.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Week 9 Preview

All Teams Happy to be Ignored at Mid-Season

Week 9 Preview

Friday, November 02, 2007

Before I give you my picks, I just want to say that no self respecting New Yorker should be a Patriots fan, or should even root for the Patriots. I mean, why? Why would you live in New York and start talking smack about how the Colts and their fans are scared of playing the Pats on Sunday? Oh really? Did something change from the AFC Championship game when the Pats blew an 18-point lead, besides adding a couple players and racking up 8 straight wins against cupcake teams…? Oh, nothing changed? Okay, shut up then.

Redskins at Jets (+3.5)
Kellen Clemens is getting his first start at QB for the Jets, and while the shot in the arm might do them some good, I’m not sure its going to be enough to beat the Skins. On the other side of the coin, Jason Campbell seems to have taken a step backwards since playing the Packers a couple weeks ago. Still, a QB change isn’t enough for me to actually put money on the Jets…I mean, I could just as easily set my wallet on fire!

Packers at Chiefs (-1.5)
I’m not quite sure how the Chiefs are favored, home game or not. The Chiefs are virtually rudderless and the Packers (almost blowing a lead on Monday night notwithstanding) are looking pretty good.

Cardinals at Bucs (-3.5)
No contest. Leinart is done for the season, God Boy is still playing with that injured arm, their third option is a guy who has no business banging Elizabeth Hasselbeck and people in Arizona are probably munching Peyote by the handful waiting for spring. The Bucs meanwhile, lost a hard fought battle to one of the AFC’s better teams and are right in the thick of it in the putrid NFC South.

Panthers at Titans (-4)
Some things don’t make any sense. I was talking to my buddy the Tracker earlier today, mainly surprised he was awake. See, it was around 9, a.m. in New York and he lives in LA now so I didn’t understand why he was up at 6. My explanation was simple: “I thought the point of living in LA was going to Le Deux, doing blow off of Lohan’s chest while smoking a splif with TI before heading to a party in the Hills with a Cristal waterfall in the living room and a midget in a cage hanging from the ceiling.” What does any of that have to do with the game? Not much except, things are never as they appear to be when it comes to Tennessee; they play tough and are making Vince Young’s mistakes look small. The Panthers are relying on someone’s grandfather and David Carr…nuff said!

49ers at Falcons (-3.5)
Oh man, this is going to be an awful game. Joey Heisman versus Alex Smith? Oh man, I think I’m gonna be sick. I honestly don’t know who to take, although I feel like the 49ers should be able to play well on the road. Bobby Petrino looks grossly overmatched every week.

Jaguars at Saints (-3)
At the beginning of the season, I would’ve blocked out time to go watch this game with my buddy “Christopher Lee,” but the Saints are still not back to being the team they were last season and the Jags are relying on the third string QB to help them out. I like the Jags defense, should contain the run and their corners are decent. I think a low scoring game favors them, but I have this feeling the Saints are going to run away with another one.

Broncos at Lions (-3)
Three months ago I wouldn’t have even thought the Lions had a shot at beating the Broncos…now it doesn’t even surprise me that they’re favored. Jay Cutler looks more lost than Mandy Moore in a room with Hallie Berry, Nicole Kidman and Helen Mirren (Oscar winners…cough, cough), and Rod Smith has officially been shelved for the remainder of the season. It could be a long, long Winter in Denver.

Bengals at Bills (+1)
The line for this game opened up with the Bills as 3-point favorites. Hmm, wouldn’t have anything to do with Johnnie Tokes-A-Lot getting the start at QB would it…? You’ve got to believe the Bengals are going to win this game, I mean they’re playing the Bills. Problem is, the Bills are playing pretty well at home and Carson Palmer is getting interception-happy like he’s auditioning for the title role in “The Fluttering Duck, the Chad Pennington Story.” Still, I just can’t knowingly put money on the Losmantacular JP.

Chargers at Vikings (+7)
If this were the 1930’s, the Vikings would be undefeated…what with the forward pass being outlawed. But it’s 2007, and every time the ball leaves Tavaris Jackson’s hand it seems to go backwards. Adrian Peterson can’t be happy about spending the next three years in Minnesota with Brad Childress; although luck for him, Childress might not last that long.

Seahawks at Browns (-1)
I don’t understand how the Browns are favored, even by a point…I’m like President Bush at a Tom Stoppard play, I just don’t understand. Back in the day (you know, last season) the Browns were dropping games the way Dog the Bounty Hunter drops N-bombs. All of a sudden, they’re half-decent. But this is Seattle we’re talking about and I don’t think they’ll be allowed back into Washington State if they lose to Cleveland.

Patriots at Colts (+5.5)
People are going to get mad at me for saying this…those of you that didn’t get mad on Tuesday that is: Bill Belichick is putting Tom Brady at risk every time he sends him onto the field in the 4th Quarter of a blow out. Tony Dungy’s guys have something that most of Belichick’s players lack: class. I don’t think anyone on Indy’s defense is going to go after Brady, then again I don’t expect the Colts to lose. I’m just saying, the “we’re not doing anything wrong” routine is wearing dangerously thin.

Texans at Raiders (-3)
Daunte Culpepper has been benched in favor of one of the seven McCown brothers; which is like trading your Ducati Unicycle in for a brand new scooter made by Opel. The Texans though, are once again relying on the Incomparable Sage Rosenfels; so honestly who cares.

Cowboys at Eagles (-3)
On the face of it, I’d like to take the Eagles…mainly because I hate the Cowboys and I think Tony Romo is a bigger fraud than Charlie Weis. Okay, that’s not fair; he’d have to gain, like, 300 pounds first. Still, this whole Donovan McNabb rehabbing in-Season thing, isn’t really working out, not to mention he still doesn’t have anyone to throw to. Then there’s the unpleasantness with Walrus Junior’s kids both getting tossed in jail and a judge calling his home a “drug emporium,” that’s not boosting morale. Neither is the cheer, “let’s win one for Coach’s smacked-out-drug-dealing-pistol-waving sons on Sunday!!!!”

Ravens at Steelers (-9)
I like the Steelers, I like the Steelers a lot. They’re not as good as the Colts or Pats, but they’re better than just about every other team in the AFC; and you know that Cam Cameron, Ken Whisenhunt and the rest of the jokers who got hired during the off-Season are super pissed at Mike Tomlin. Steve McNair is getting the start, which normally I would say spells victory for the Ravens, just not in Pittsburgh.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Week 8 Wrap Up

Belichick, Not Running up Score…Just Being a Dick

Week 8 Wrap Up

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Before we get started, I’d actually like to congratulate Alex Rodriguez on his timing. Having your agent announce you’re nothing but a money-grubbing prick player, just as the Boston Red Sox are about to wrap up their second World Series title in four years, stealing all of their thunder, is just fine by me. Aside from that little blessing, this weekend was a pretty good one for New York City, but not so nice for Denver.
The Giants continued their march towards a second-half collapse; touching up the Dolphins at Silly Nanny Stadium.
Miami made the game interesting in the fourth quarter, but it was too little, too late…although if they hadn’t traded away their best wide receiver Wes Welker Chris Chambers, they might’ve had a shot. New York rode Brandon Jacobs’ 131 yards rushing to the victory and Eli Manning had another Losmantastic game going 8 – 22 for a whopping 59 yards; finishing with a passer rating of 44.9.
The Lions continued their improbable march towards a winning record (no thanks to Matt Millen), beating the Bears, in
Chicago. Perhaps, less surprising than the fact that the Lions are winning games, are the losses of the Bears, which continue to pile up. I know the Sex Cannon and Griese wouldn’t be most teams choices for a second QB, but it’s looking a lot like the Bears are missing Tank Johnson a lot more than they thought they would. Still, I’m glad the Bears are now being bitten in the ass for kicking a guy off the team for what amounted to a trumped-up charge.
The Titans continued to squeak by mediocre teams, beating the Raiders in a game that competed with the Jets-Bills game for the title of: Rather-Gouge-My-Eyes-Out-With-A-Claw Hammer-Than-Watch-The-Rest-Of. Vince Young put up Akili Smith-like numbers for the second game in a row and one could argue that even though he’s playing, the Madden Curse has rendered him virtually ineffective for the season. And yes, I know calling the Raiders "mediocre" is an insult to the Bills, Lions and Chiefs of the League, but I don’t really care.
The Steelers continued to try to create space at the top of the AFC North, throwing the Bengals a beating at home 24 – 13; although at one point,
Cincinnati was down 24 – 6. The Bengals running game is virtually non-existent, Carson Palmer can’t seem to find his stride and they’re missing alleged cradle-robber/enabler, Chris Henry, more than expected. In all fairness though, he does look act like he’s 15, so you can understand how kids can get confused.
The Rams struggles continued when they hosted the Browns and Steven Jackson, fresh off of returning from resting his “lady parts” tweaked his back apparently compensating for some lingering groin pain.
St. Louis opened up a 14 – 3 lead, before deciding that without their running back they’d just let Cleveland score 24 unanswered points. I’m just sad the Rams don’t play the Dolphins in Week 17…I think that would be too perfect for words.
The Eagles tried to get back on track, in a game I was almost certain they’d lose, beating the Vikings in
Minnesota 23 – 16. While the loss itself isn’t that surprising, the Vikings are this years version of the Panthers; they play Dallas tough on the road and then get shredded by Donovan McNabb at home in a game that was never really close. The Vikings are supposed to have a pretty stout (although, they're looking more like Ricki Lake than Roseanne...chubby, not quite "stout") defense and the Eagles offensive line is worse than Au Bon Pain’s customer service; this should made for a fairly easy Minnesota victory. Instead, the Vikings dropped to 2 – 5, while the Eagles “improved” to 3 – 4.
Speaking of the streaky Panthers, they scored on their opening possession against the Colts and then must’ve decided to take the rest of the afternoon off. After taking practically an entire quarter to drive down the field and score a TD, the Panthers had no answer for Bob Sanders and the rest of the Colts secondary, who held Steve Smith to only 18 yards receiving on 2 catches; none after the opening drive. I know I harp on this a lot, but look at who the two teams have played. The Colts have gone up against: the Saints, Broncos, and Jaguars; while the Patriots have played: George
Washington University, Florida A&T and Hofstra. Honestly, the only half decent team the Pats have faced has been the Cowboys.
Speaking of Hofstra, the Jets and Bills played a real barnburner snoozefest Sunday, in which the starting QB’s combined for 236 passing yards; but at least Chaditha didn’t throw another interception. Still, the Jets lost their fifth straight and, soon to be deposed QB, has mercifully taken his last snap as their starter.
The Chargers returned to their winning ways, beating a banged up Texans team that some people (mostly morons, not me) had winning the AFC South at the start of the season 35 – 10. Prodigal Son, Philip Rivers, was out-passed by Sage Rosenfels (something to be proud of) and Tomlinson was held to less than 100 yards on the ground. Still, the Texans tossed 4 interceptions and fumbled once for good measure.
Jacksonville came back to beat Tampa Bay 24 – 23, in the Battle for Florida Relevancy, and New Orleans took down San Francisco, 31 – 10.
That brings us to the New England Football Patriots, their “dreamy” QB and their sullen head coach. Seriously, Belichick looks more depressed than Britney these days..and he's a winner! The Dark Lord of the Foxboro claimed he hasn’t been trying to run up the score (yeah, sure) on opposing teams and his just playing football. Meanwhile, his Young Apprentice is on pace to throw close to 60 TD’s this season, and shatter Peyton Manning’s record of 49, but should probably watch his back. Honestly, if you can give me one good reason why Tom Brady and the rest of the teams starters are still in the game during the fourth quarter when the Pats are already up 38 – 0, I’d like to hear it. Sure, it’s all fun and games for people in Beantown when the Pats are blowing teams out, but you know Ray Lewis isn’t going to stand for that mess when they visit the Ravens. If Brady goes down in the fourth quarter of a meaningless game, all because Belichick wants to stick it to the other guy, people in
Boston are going to be furious…and the Pats are going to be without a Championship.
Last but not least, the Packers almost lost a sloppy game against the Denver Broncos last night, but were saved by a dagger to
Colorado’s collective heart in the form of an 82-yard bomb from Brett Favre to Greg Jennings on the first play from scrimmage in overtime. The Packers seemed to forget how to score and then allowed the Broncos to make it to the 4 yard line (missing about 12 tackles during the drive) before Denver was saved for, like the ninth time this season, by the right foot of Jason Elam. All of the extra work was for naught with Jennings grab, which capped off probably the worst weekend in Denver Sports since, well, ever!

Random Observations:
44.9 is no 0.0, but it’s still pretty crappy.
The Colts play 5 of their remaining 9 games at home this season…that could be HUGE down the stretch.
Kellen Clemens is getting the start at QB for the Jets on Sunday. Way to go Dennis, only about a month late with that decision!
What was Jay Feeley thinking, or rather I guess he wasn’t thinking with the Dolphins down 13 – 10, trying a squib-kick on the kickoff on a field with natural grass that had soaked up probably six hours of rainwater?
Marvin Lewis looks constipated throughout most of
Cincinnati’s games.

Next Week:
At least the Rams and Dolphins won’t lose number nine, as both teams have a bye.
Final Score of the Houston-Oakland game? 6 – 3.
That mighty Patriot train most likely has a derailment traveling through

Unsubstantiated Sports Rumor of the Week:
Tape of Belichick saying he wants to stick it to League by blowing out competition mysteriously destroyed...?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Week 7 Wrap Up

Rams Also Winless, but Still Better than Dolphins

Week 7 Wrap Up

Wednesday, October 23, 2007

Another week in the books in the NFL, another awful team beaten by the Patriots to parades and balloons falling from the sky; another good team beaten by the Colts to…crickets. So you’re probably wondering why I didn’t get around to posting this in the morning and the answer is pretty simple. When you work all day and then spend 5 hours in a hot kitchen making Veal Scallopini you’re not so jazzed up to get home and be witty at midnight.
The Ravens blew another one on Sunday, one week after Kyle Boller actually played like a quarterback, he remembered who he was and while he didn’t stick it up; he didn’t do all that much to help Baltimore win either. This game must’ve had people in
Buffalo praying for the middle of hockey season, as neither team passed for more than 200 yards and barely combined for 230 yards on the ground. Trent Edwards picked up where his predicesor left off having a Losmantastic game going 11-for-21 for 139 yards and an INT.
The Bucs squandered a golden opportunity to take over sole possession of first place in the NFC South when they failed to beat the Lions. Costly fumbles and basically playing like they did last season doomed
Tampa to suffer a fate almost worse than death…losing to the Detroit Lions.
The Redskins did everything they could to hand Godboy and the Cardinals the win, except when it was all said and done, they managed to hang on for a 21 – 19 victory. Jason Campbell played more like Neve Campbell (remember her?), going 12-for-18 with less than 100 yards passing and an INT; while the Redskins offense generally make the Cardinals look, well, good. Despite all of that, you had to know the game was over when Tim Rattay took the field…TD or no TD.
Eli Manning proved me wrong (sort of) as the Giants opened up a 33 – 9 lead on the 49ers before a meaningless TD made the final score 33 – 15. Although “Little Brother” threw 2 TD’s, he didn’t really help the Giants as much as Osi Umenyiora, who recorded his League-leading 8th sack, or Aaron Ross, who shut down San Francisco’s wide receivers and even recorded a sack of his own. Looking at it another way, the Giants offense was really only responsible for 28% (24 points coming off recovered fumbles or interceptions) of the total output…kinda like Ben Affleck writing “Good Will Hunting.”

Miami continued their march towards that other record, and fresh off putting MENSA member Trent Green on IR for the rest of the season, allowed New England to come into their house and skeet all over them 49 – 28. Miami’s playing fantastic crappy unspeakably bad right now, so much so, I’m actually afraid there aren’t going to be enough drugs to keep the people of Magic City satiated until January; especially considering aside from home games against the Bills and Jets, 0 – 16 could be a reality.
Speaking of the Jets, I’m pretty sure I told you so. When I walked into Brother Jimmy’s with my buddies, the Rabbi and Robert Chambers, the Jets had opened up a 23 – 10 and the three of us were speechless. Not as speechless as I was when the Rabbi tried to pick up these three hideous looking girls about 10 minutes later, but close. A quick note about the Rabbi & RC: The Rabbi has this ability to find beauty in any girl he sees; I have no doubt in my mind he’d hit on Melanie Griffith right this second, even though she looks like she’s wearing a 1987 issue Melanie Griffith mask that’s a little too small for her. Anyway, in no time at all, the Bengals had turned a 23 – 10 deficit into a 38 – 23 lead; the final 7 points coming off a Chadita interception as the Jets were driving to tie the game. I really hope Dennis the Menace has the heart to put Chaditha out of his misery; he’s a little like Barbaro…you hate to see it happen, but we all know that sooner or later he’s destined to become burger meat for Wendy’s and paste for little kids to eat.
New Orleans has been able to put together a little “win streak” beating Seattle and now Atlanta; unfortunately for the Saints they played worse at home than they did in Seattle and needed a late TD from Reggie Bush to secure a victory. They also got a little help from the Human Triage Unit, Byron Leftwich, who re-injured his ankle for the 497th time and had to be replaced by Joey Heisman.
When RC, the Rabbi and I left Brother Jimmy’s the Titans were absolutely destroying Texans; imagine my surprise when we got downtown to an awful bar that will remain nameless (cough, cough: Heartland Brewery) and a surly waitress who will also remain nameless (sneeze: Jill), to find out the Titans had given up 29 4th Quarter points and had to rely on a last second field goal from Rob Bironas; his 8th, an NFL Record. Adding further embarrassment to the Titans is the fact that after losing Matt Shaub to injury, the
Texas brought in Sage Rosenfels who absolutely flayed them in the 4th. I don’t even know what to say about that.
Elsewhere, the Chiefs won a horribly boring game, beating the Raiders 12 – 10; the Cowboys won with a little help from Tavaris Jackson; the Eagles screwed the pooch allowing a final-minute-go-ahead drive at the hands of Brian Griese (which is sort of like getting beaten up by the kid from Jerry Maguire); and the Seahawks pooped on the Rams 33 – 6.
Sunday night saw another curve ball come our way, as the Pittsburgh Steelers couldn’t get it done in what should’ve been a walk-over against the Broncos. Instead, Jay Cutler played greatagain throwing 2 picks and fumbling once; but when it was all said and done, Denver squeaked by yet again on the trust right foot of Jason Elam.
Monday night, while I was cooking, Indy’s defense was shutting down
Jacksonville and the League’s best defense was being picked apart by Peyton Manning. Manning was Manning, working with exactly what he was given picking his spots while throwing for 259 yards. Dwight Freeney got into the act with a sack, that registered a safety, and Bob Sanders did what he does best. The Patriots continue to play cream puffs and get the accolades while the Colts play real teams and get overlooked…which seems just fine with them.

Random Observations:
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the Bears face a pretty tough test when the Lions come to Soldier Field.
ESPN’s coverage of the
MiamiNew England game actually read, “Brady’s Bunch Pounds the Dolphins.” Um yeah, I’m not really comfortable seeing the words “Brady” and “Pound” in the same sentence…
The Pats opponents have a won/loss record of 17-28; the Colts opponents have a 20-18 record…nuff said.

Next Week:
The Dolphins look to remain winless with a “home” game against the Giants at Wembley Stadium…uh, that’s
England for those of you that failed 4th grade geography. Incidentally, this game also marks the beginning of the end of the Giants season…
The Eagles continue to not live up to expectations when they travel to
Chad Pennington isn’t really going to be the Jets starter against the Bills, is he…?

Unsubstantiated Sports Rumor of the Week:
Mike Vick plans on selling Bad Newz Kennels to raise money for his defense.

Photo Credit: Dave Einsel – AP.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Week 7 Lead In

Dolphins Excited to Continue Sucking

Week 7 Lead In

Friday, October 19, 2007

Well, another Friday is upon us and you know that means it’s time to put what little reputation I have on the line and pick some football games. I’m still in search of the perfect week (something I came very close to last season, but am having trouble hitting my stride…mainly because the Bears and Seahawks are streakier than Louie Anderson’s underwear) and I’m hoping I won’t have to wait to long. So before I start to get away from myself, let’s get busy.

Cardinals at Redskins (-7)
God Boy is apparently on the mend, but the wind does funny stuff in the Capitol and his arm is literally being held together with tape and a brace. His replacement is Tim Rattay, who let’s face it, is just terrible. I just worry about the Redskins ability to score points. They only have one win by 8 or more points…and that was against the Lions! Also, if Rattay goes down, the Cardinals third option is Tim Hasselbeck…hmmm.

Falcons at Saints (-8.5)
Byron Leftwich gets his first start with the Falcons and the Saints look to right their ship with another victory. After watching what they did in Seattle, how could you not pick them to win this game? The Falcons are in complete disarray right now. Arthur Blank didn’t even stick around to watch the end of the game last week.

Ravens at Bills (+3)
Trent Edwards (the guy who “gave the Cowboys a scare”?) gets the nod against the Bills. Not like it’s going to matter, Ray Lewis is going to going to slay the Bills offense. I picked against the Ravens last week because Kyle Boller was getting the nod and I just his QB skills about as much as I trust Federline to perform complicated dental surgery on me. Still, the Bills are awful.

Patriots at Dolphins (+17)
I’ve been thinking this was a trap game since I saw it on the schedule. The Pats are flying high, Belichick is squirreling away video and Tom Brady has probably impregnated Adriana Lima. The Dolphins are home and I mean, they’ve gotta win at some point, right? I’m not saying it’s going to happen Sunday, but I also don’t see them getting blown out at home. My friend “Caprice” is probably a Dolphins fan…I should just pick against them to spite her…but 17-points is a lot of points. On the other side of the coin, Joey Porter’s been a bigger disappointment than I Know Who Killed Me, and if he doesn’t turn things around it could be a very long winter in Miami. Good thing they still have lots of blow and orange women, huh?

49ers at Giants (-9.5)
Oh man, you know Eli Manning can’t wait to screw this one up! The Giants are quietly on a roll and they’re 9.5-point favorites at home? The past few weeks, the Giants have won in spite of him…although Andy Reid helped out a lot matching a rookie against Osi Umenyiora. The 49ers are capable of surprising the Giants, but I’m capable of lifting a car above my head…if I were in Tulsa and on crank!

Bucs at Lions (-2.5)
My erstwhile buddy Beansy reared his ugly head this week, but it’s nowhere near as ugly as this game has the potential to be. The Lions are terrible, but they play in one of the NFL’s worst divisions. The Bucs are also bad, but nowhere near as bad as the Lions. I mean, at least they’re on the same page and John Kitna and Roy Williams are drinking the same crack-laced Cool-Aide, predicting 11 wins.

Titans at Texans (Push)
No one knows whether Vince Young is starting or not. We all remember what happened last year though, when VY went back home and showed Houston how good of an idea it was to select Mario Williams instead of him, don’t we? He ran for almost 90 yards and passed for another 218. Still, being backed up by Kerry Collins isn’t so bad…unless he decides to get interception happy. All that aside, I think Young’s leg would have to be hanging by a thread to keep him out of this game.

Chiefs at Raiders (-2.5)
I’d rather spend my afternoon rendering fat!

Jets at Bengals (-6)
Dennis the Menace seems determined to live and die by the sword of Chad Pennington. Right now, he’s been flayed pretty badly. The Jets stink and I have no doubt that if they somehow have the lead win the waning minutes of the game Chaditha will confuse Orange for Green.

Vikings at Cowboys (-9.5)
The Vikings surprised the Bears in Chicago last weekend, what’s to say they can’t do it again against the Cowboys in Dallas? Oh yeah, the Bears are streaky…but you know what, so are the Cowboys. The boys from Dallas almost lost to Buffalo a few weeks ago, and then let a “bunch of Yankees” come down South and touch ‘em up. Seriously, the last time Southerners let themselves get treated that poorly in consecutive weeks Grant was skeeting all over Lee’s forehead.

Bears at Eagles (-5)
This is a tough one. The Bears look terrible this season, and replacing rex Grossman with Brian Griese has proved about as successful as Hilary Duff’s singing career. The Eagles meanwhile, are now relying solely upon Brian Westbrook because Donovan McNabb still doesn’t have anyone to throw to. Look at it this way, the Eagles managed only 1 TD against the Jets and their defense is, well, terrible. I know the Eagles are home, but I don’t see them winning this thing by any more than a field goal.

Rams at Seahawks (-9)
If the Seahawks can’t win this game, they should probably disband the team. Seriously, losing to winless teams in back-to-back weeks? You know the Walrus is probably still scratching his head raw and bloody trying to figure out how the hell last week’s game happened. Right now the Rams are worse than puppy cancer…at an orphanage…on Christmas!

Steelers at Broncos (+3.5)
Normally (in years past), I’d have reservations about picking the Steelers to go into Denver and knock off the Broncos; but Jay Cutler has been playing more like Jay Thomas, so I’m not too worried. The Steelers are also coming off a bye and should have the Samoan Assassin back with the defense, which could mean a world of hurt for little Jay.

Colts at Jaguars (+3)
It been a couple weeks since there’s been a worthwhile game on Monday night. So while I’m elbow deep in Veal parts, the Colts will hopefully be keeping that record unblemished. Surprisingly, I’m not as worried as I should be…maybe I don’t have as much confidence in David Garrard as Jack Del Rio does.

Random Observations:
Tim Hasselbeck, NFL Quarterback or not, should not be allowed to impregnate Elizabeth Hasselbeckespecially multiple times! Seriously, that’s just not fair.
I’m sure Cleveland is happy to have the bye, but honestly it’s like putting Richard Simmons in a room with a naked Halle Berry…wouldn’t know what to do with it.

Photo Credit: Tony Dejak, Associated Press

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

ALCS Run Down

Which Racists do I root for…?

ALCS Run Down

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Before we get started, I should probably mention, this post isn’t going to be all that funny…kinda like the Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Saturday night, before I went liver-killing with my friend Katie (quick side-note about Katie: She’s a fan of the Red Sox, by proxy, but a fan nonetheless; and I started off the evening "right." When I met her outside her apartment, the Red Sox had taken a 6 – 5 lead and things looked bleak for the Indians. Seeing as I was furious, and I suppose stupid, I declared to her; that I didn’t like the Red Sox or Boston or anything associated with the two…yeah), I was watching Game 2 of the ALCS at my buddy Kilo’s place with a few friends of ours. His good buddy Curly was going off about how shocking it was that I was rooting for the Indians to beat the Red Sox and asked me how I could do such a thing. His logic was that the Indians beat the Yankees and I shouldn’t be rooting for the team that ousted them from the Playoffs.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always rooted for the team playing the team that ousted my favorite team, not the ousters themselves. He also was complaining about the racist nature of the Indians mascot and the teams’ name itself.
Curly’s argument was that the Indians are a racist organization because of their nasty little mascot (Chief Wahoo), which many people agree is an American Indian approximation of Little Black Sambo. My argument was that, apart from my inherent/inborn dislike of Boston, I think the city of Boston is fairly racist in-and-of-itself and would rather root for a team with a racist mascot than a racist city; because I don’t know about you, but I associate teams with the cities they play in and make judgments about those teams based on those cities. I mean, look, if I saw Ryan Garko and Grady Sizemore passing out bottles of gin at an Indian Reservation I’d be the first one willing to throw a can of paint on their collective fur coat.
You’re probably wondering how I came to this decision (that is, if you’re still reading that is) and the answer isn’t really that simple. I went to high school about 30 minutes outside of Boston in a little town called Southborough and made several trips into Boston during those years. On one such visit, I remember walking down Mass Ave. with a young lady of the Cauc-ish persuasion to have a passer-by, not-so-subtly express his displeasure at our apparent happiness. From that moment on, I’ve always had a rather sour taste in my mouth when it comes to Boston.
On the other side of the coin, my father is part American Indian; which pretty much makes me part American Indian. It shocked Curly that I could still root for the Indians even though my heritage would seem to be at loggerheads with that.
The thing is, part of me hates them both and could honestly care less what happens in this series. But there’s also a part of me that just can’t stand Boston. I think their fans are classless, I think the city is awful, I think their players are dirty, walk around with chips on their shoulders and have a double standard for everyone else in the League; especially the Yankees. Let me explain myself here for a moment. People in Boston went nuts when Joba Chamberlain “threw at” Kevin Youkilis although it seemed pretty clear the pitches slipped out of his hand (Joba’s got pretty good control, I’m pretty sure if he wanted to implant a 101-MPH heater in the side of
Youkilis's head, he could've done just that). Meanwhile, those same Bostonians joked about 72-year old Don Zimmer being thrown to the ground by Pedro Martinez during the 2003 ALCS…yeah, elder abuse is hilarious! I don’t even think I need to get into the “classy” ARod/Jeter t-shirts worn by many of the Boston faithful (which incidentally were only banned after the Red Sox won the Series in 2004) or how Boston continues to attempt to play martyr even though they own baseball’s second-highest payroll. But I’m getting off topic.
I’m not excusing Cleveland’s use of Chief Wahoo, I think it’s a despicable mascot that should be changed. I think that in 2007 tolerance should count for something and hell, I don’t know, change the team name back to the Cleveland Blues or Spiders from the NL (what better way to honor the winningest pitcher of all time, Cy Young?). But, I’m not here to propose new nicknames for Cleveland, just tell you why I’m willing to root for them over Boston.
In short, aside from 6 awful hours I spent in an airport once, I have no real reason to dislike the city of Cleveland. On the other hand, I have a visceral reaction to Boston and just because the Indians are playing the Red Sox doesn’t mean I’m going to run out and buy a bunch of Indians gear. So basically, I’m picking the city of Cleveland over the city of Boston and excusing their despicable mascot. But if, god willing, the Indians do beat the Red Sox and make it to the World Series, I’m going to dust off the adjustable Rockies cap I bought when I was 12 and cheer for them like they were the pinstriped Yankees who played in Denver! So disagree with me if you like, but that's how I feel.
As of my writing this (11:50, p.m. EDT, Tuesday night), Terry Francona is trying to explain how how Tim Wakefield didn’t screw the pooch, giving up 6 in the 5th, and allowing Cleveland to put Boston in a 3 – 1 hole.

Week 6 Wrap Up

Pennington Explains Poor Play due to Girly Arm, not Lack of Heart

Week 6 Wrap Up

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Well, you can pretty much set your watch to it by now; for the third week in a row Chad Pennington and the Jets screwed the pooch with less than three minutes remaining while driving for the lead or tie. The Eagles gave the Jets every opportunity to get back into the game, including two missed field goals by David Akers that would’ve easily put the game out of reach and a Philadelphia offense that became anemic in the Jets Red Zone. If Pennington’s performance the last three Sundays doesn’t convince Eric Mangini a/k/a Dennis the Menace to make a switch at QB, nothing will. This week, Chaditha was 11-for-21 with a measly 128 yards passing, no TD’s and an interception.
While the Eagles were unconvincingly “beating” the Titans Jets, Vince Young was finally felled by the Madden curse. Trying to scamper out of bounds, Young tweaked his quad and lay on the ground for a few minutes before eventually hobbling to the locker room.
Tennessee brass says it’s too soon to tell whether or not he’ll start next week against Houston but if this is really the Madden curse his leg’ll probably turn green by Wednesday. With Young out, Jeff Fisher had no choice but to replace him with the strong arm and poor decision-making ability of Kerry Collins, who managed not to throw any picks, but also didn’t throw any touchdowns; resulting in a 13 – 10 Bucs win.
Another team I picked to win on Sunday before their starting QB went down was Arizona; unfortunately God Boy’s elbow went all gimpy and he was replaced by Tim Rattay; the same guy the 49ers and Bucs gave up on…I know. With Warner on the bench, the Immortal One, Vinny Testaverde, reached into the 1980’s, passing for 206 yard and 1 TD (no word on whether or not he was hanging out with Wham! the night before). While not especially impressive numbers, the guy is 43, hasn’t played in about 8 months and still had a better outing than Chaditha. One more note, Kurt thinks he’s got torn ligaments in his elbow. Usually, I’d say self-diagnosis is about as smart sharing needles with Pam Anderson, but Warner’s been hurt more times than Jennifer Aniston, so maybe he knows what he’s talking about.
The Dolphins continued their march towards a different kind of streak with a zero in it getting spanked by the Browns 41 – 31. Miami’s defense, the unit they used to rely on, looked more like the University of Miami allowing Derek Anderson to go 18-of-25 for 245 yards passing and 3 TD’s. Cleo Lemon meanwhile, had 2 picks to match his 2 TD’s.
Miami isn’t just bad right now, they stink out loud.
Green Bay did just what I said they would do, and bounced back…although honestly, no one on that team seemed like they were really trying to win. Brett Favre set the All-Time interception mark, at 279, and was out-passed by Jason Campbell. Luckily for the gunslinger, his team played slightly better than the terrible play of the Redskins.
Kansas City, for all the badmouthing I’ve been giving them this season, has quietly made its way back to .500, while the Bengals have dropped to 1 – 4, and are winless on the road. Carson Palmer passed for over 300 yards, but that wasn’t enough to stop the mistake-free and relatively boring play of Damon Huard. Also in middle (small “m”) America, Baltimore was busily proving me wrong as they laid some pipe to St. Louis 22 – 3, and Jacksonville (which is actually the South, but that’s okay; they’re just as smart down there as they are in the middle of the country) was touching up Houston, piling on 21 in the 4th Quarter to eventually win 37 – 17.
The much hyped “Duel” between
New England and Dallas was interesting for about an hour, until it became clear that Dallas’s defense had no answer for New England’s offense and it was basically up to Tom Brady to decide when he wanted to score…kinda like how he does it when he’s off the field. In the end the Pats demolished the Cowboys and ran away from them faster than Britney’s old attorney’s.
Seattle’s troubles continued as they lost to previously winless New Orleans 28 – 17. The Seahawks were never really in the game and were down 28 – 10 at the half, although perhaps they can take solace in the fact that they outscored the Saints 7 – 0 in the second half…hmmm, no.
San Diego made themselves feel better by beating Oakland…the NFC’s version of the kid with the lazy eye and the speech impediment at the playground. Philip Rivers had another mediocre game, but he was immaterial as Tomlinson (I’m still not calling him LT) ran for 198 yards with 4 TD’s. Hopefully, someone will wake me up when San Diego actually plays a good team.
Last night the Giants continued their somewhat surprising roll, beating down the Falcons, in
Atlanta last night. Now, I know that Joey Harrington is the Falcons QB, and I know Byron Leftwich couldn’t be “blessed” with a worse combination than if his legs were actually made from stone and he actually had a bazooka for an arm. Still, the Giants ran roughshod over the Falcons like time over Meg Ryan.

Random Observations:
Dan Rooney and Mike Tomlin look like geniuses, now that Joey Porter is playing more like Joey Buttafuoco.
Santana Moss took himself out of Sunday’s game saying, “something wasn’t feeling right?” Well obviously if the second best player on your team is feeling off you should let him sit out.
Apparently, in ESPN’s universe, beating the Raiders 28 – 14 constitutes a “rout.” I’d hate to find out what word they’d use to describe the beat-down Cowboys received in
If this is it for Kurt Warner, it would probably be better for everyone if he just faded into obscurity like Sean Young.

Next Week:
Miami drops to 0 – 7 when the Pats come to town.
Indy faces a tough test when they travel to
I decide to put a carnivorous earwig into my brain, rather than watch
Atlanta play New Orleans.

Unsubstantiated Sport Rumor of the Week:
Belichick left his starters in on purpose to prove a point to Wade Phillips?