NBA Finals Mid-Point Wrap Up
Man Not on Roster Suspended, McGuire Worried
NBA Finals Mid-Point Wrap Up
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Well, we're two games into the NBA Finals and what have we learned...? Don't mess with Texas. I don't think I'm alone in asking how the Mavs are doing this. We all knew they could run with the best of them, but Miami made Detroit look so awful I'm positive David Stern is returning the trophy to the engravers as you read this...
The Heat and Mavericks both making their first trips to the Finals, squaring off Baton Rouge Style (happy medium between Florida and Texas) I thought these boys might not play nice; but aside from AJ throwing everyone with a pulse at the Diesel, the games have been a bit lackluster.
The Mavs, led by the Dirty Deutschman and their Goblin of a head coach, bring size and determination to the table along with the ability to outscore almost anybody except Michael’s team from Space Jam and an owner who won't shut the F up. They've also got a killer bench, which sounds weird when talking about guys like Keith Van Horn and Jerry Stackhouse who between them have played for every team in the history of the NBA.
Don't let Dwayne Wade and Miami fool you though, yes they got knocked around a little bit in Dallas, but as Will Smith knows, going to Miami is a whole new ballgame. With the next three games in South Beach there's a chance (smaller than my appetite after watching "The Amazing Colostomy Adventures of Marlon Brando") the series could head back to Dallas 3 - 2 Miami. Seriously though, the Heat are F-ed harder than Romo stumbling upon a Black Panther rally. They look completely lost out there, Shaq has a better shot becoming a Miami-Dade police officer than he does making a free throw, the former super group of "Twone," Jason Williams (the white one, not the murderer or the cycle enthusiast) and Udonis Haslem have been less effective than the US Soccer team and just like he does in every championship, Pat Riley (a/k/a “the Italian version of Shaq’s dad”…I know, just let it go) has forgotten how to coach.
World Cup action also kicked off over the weekend, with more soccer than you can shake your Leiderhozen at and teams with their own coaching issues. Tiny Terror Togo lost their coach on the eve of the games but didn’t seem too worried seeing as most of the players only came to Germany to defect, or for the chocolate. The US, the soccer equivalent of Myanmar, was also unable to help their chances of getting out of their group, losing to the Czech Republic; dealt a serious blow if they have to continue without 6’8” forward Jan Koller; 3 – 0 and then watching Italy hand Ghana a 2 – 0 defeat. Don’t feel bad though, Bruce Arena and the rest of the braintrust at US Soccer have a plan, which unfortunately doesn’t involve boarding a plane back to America.
The Big news of Monday wasn’t the US Joan Collins impression, but what happened to the Steelers quarterback. Far be it for me to kick a man when he’s down, or as the case may be flying through the air towards a windshield, but honestly Ben what the hell were you thinking? Roesthelisberger, out for a flip on his Suzuki Hayabusa, was hit by a 62 year old woman driving a Chrysler New Yorker, and was recovering in a Pittsburgh area hospital for a 9 – inch gash on the back of his head, “broken or missing teeth,” a broken nose, possible broken jaw and a badly damaged ego.
Meanwhile, toothless guys from Carolina who play with hockey sticks instead of banjos have pushed the Oilers to the brink of elimination and could win their first Stanley Cup since giving up Whaling to move down south.
Random Observations:
I can't be sure, but I think the Finals are pulling more than 650,000 households; which incidentally is what Game 1 of the NHL Finals drew on Monday night.
The Mavs have rendered Shaq more useless than Katie Holmes in Batman Begins.
The United States’ plan to win the World Cup by 2010 makes about as much sense as riding your motorcycle through downtown Pittsburgh without a helmet…
Next Week:
Don’t be surprised when a sweaty and tear streaked Mark Cuban kisses David Stern on the mouth after accepting the trophy; it’s gonna happen.
Talk of the NHL Draft starts; more boring than the Rock, Paper Scissors Championship and twice as long.
NBA Finals Mid-Point Wrap Up
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Well, we're two games into the NBA Finals and what have we learned...? Don't mess with Texas. I don't think I'm alone in asking how the Mavs are doing this. We all knew they could run with the best of them, but Miami made Detroit look so awful I'm positive David Stern is returning the trophy to the engravers as you read this...
The Heat and Mavericks both making their first trips to the Finals, squaring off Baton Rouge Style (happy medium between Florida and Texas) I thought these boys might not play nice; but aside from AJ throwing everyone with a pulse at the Diesel, the games have been a bit lackluster.
The Mavs, led by the Dirty Deutschman and their Goblin of a head coach, bring size and determination to the table along with the ability to outscore almost anybody except Michael’s team from Space Jam and an owner who won't shut the F up. They've also got a killer bench, which sounds weird when talking about guys like Keith Van Horn and Jerry Stackhouse who between them have played for every team in the history of the NBA.
Don't let Dwayne Wade and Miami fool you though, yes they got knocked around a little bit in Dallas, but as Will Smith knows, going to Miami is a whole new ballgame. With the next three games in South Beach there's a chance (smaller than my appetite after watching "The Amazing Colostomy Adventures of Marlon Brando") the series could head back to Dallas 3 - 2 Miami. Seriously though, the Heat are F-ed harder than Romo stumbling upon a Black Panther rally. They look completely lost out there, Shaq has a better shot becoming a Miami-Dade police officer than he does making a free throw, the former super group of "Twone," Jason Williams (the white one, not the murderer or the cycle enthusiast) and Udonis Haslem have been less effective than the US Soccer team and just like he does in every championship, Pat Riley (a/k/a “the Italian version of Shaq’s dad”…I know, just let it go) has forgotten how to coach.
World Cup action also kicked off over the weekend, with more soccer than you can shake your Leiderhozen at and teams with their own coaching issues. Tiny Terror Togo lost their coach on the eve of the games but didn’t seem too worried seeing as most of the players only came to Germany to defect, or for the chocolate. The US, the soccer equivalent of Myanmar, was also unable to help their chances of getting out of their group, losing to the Czech Republic; dealt a serious blow if they have to continue without 6’8” forward Jan Koller; 3 – 0 and then watching Italy hand Ghana a 2 – 0 defeat. Don’t feel bad though, Bruce Arena and the rest of the braintrust at US Soccer have a plan, which unfortunately doesn’t involve boarding a plane back to America.
The Big news of Monday wasn’t the US Joan Collins impression, but what happened to the Steelers quarterback. Far be it for me to kick a man when he’s down, or as the case may be flying through the air towards a windshield, but honestly Ben what the hell were you thinking? Roesthelisberger, out for a flip on his Suzuki Hayabusa, was hit by a 62 year old woman driving a Chrysler New Yorker, and was recovering in a Pittsburgh area hospital for a 9 – inch gash on the back of his head, “broken or missing teeth,” a broken nose, possible broken jaw and a badly damaged ego.
Meanwhile, toothless guys from Carolina who play with hockey sticks instead of banjos have pushed the Oilers to the brink of elimination and could win their first Stanley Cup since giving up Whaling to move down south.
Random Observations:
I can't be sure, but I think the Finals are pulling more than 650,000 households; which incidentally is what Game 1 of the NHL Finals drew on Monday night.
The Mavs have rendered Shaq more useless than Katie Holmes in Batman Begins.
The United States’ plan to win the World Cup by 2010 makes about as much sense as riding your motorcycle through downtown Pittsburgh without a helmet…
Next Week:
Don’t be surprised when a sweaty and tear streaked Mark Cuban kisses David Stern on the mouth after accepting the trophy; it’s gonna happen.
Talk of the NHL Draft starts; more boring than the Rock, Paper Scissors Championship and twice as long.
posted by EMW at 10:59 AM
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