Week 9 Preview

All Teams Happy to be Ignored at Mid-Season

Week 9 Preview

Friday, November 02, 2007

Before I give you my picks, I just want to say that no self respecting New Yorker should be a Patriots fan, or should even root for the Patriots. I mean, why? Why would you live in New York and start talking smack about how the Colts and their fans are scared of playing the Pats on Sunday? Oh really? Did something change from the AFC Championship game when the Pats blew an 18-point lead, besides adding a couple players and racking up 8 straight wins against cupcake teams…? Oh, nothing changed? Okay, shut up then.

Redskins at Jets (+3.5)
Kellen Clemens is getting his first start at QB for the Jets, and while the shot in the arm might do them some good, I’m not sure its going to be enough to beat the Skins. On the other side of the coin, Jason Campbell seems to have taken a step backwards since playing the Packers a couple weeks ago. Still, a QB change isn’t enough for me to actually put money on the Jets…I mean, I could just as easily set my wallet on fire!
Redskins.

Packers at Chiefs (-1.5)
I’m not quite sure how the Chiefs are favored, home game or not. The Chiefs are virtually rudderless and the Packers (almost blowing a lead on Monday night notwithstanding) are looking pretty good.
Packers.

Cardinals at Bucs (-3.5)
No contest. Leinart is done for the season, God Boy is still playing with that injured arm, their third option is a guy who has no business banging Elizabeth Hasselbeck and people in Arizona are probably munching Peyote by the handful waiting for spring. The Bucs meanwhile, lost a hard fought battle to one of the AFC’s better teams and are right in the thick of it in the putrid NFC South.
Bucs.

Panthers at Titans (-4)
Some things don’t make any sense. I was talking to my buddy the Tracker earlier today, mainly surprised he was awake. See, it was around 9, a.m. in New York and he lives in LA now so I didn’t understand why he was up at 6. My explanation was simple: “I thought the point of living in LA was going to Le Deux, doing blow off of Lohan’s chest while smoking a splif with TI before heading to a party in the Hills with a Cristal waterfall in the living room and a midget in a cage hanging from the ceiling.” What does any of that have to do with the game? Not much except, things are never as they appear to be when it comes to Tennessee; they play tough and are making Vince Young’s mistakes look small. The Panthers are relying on someone’s grandfather and David Carr…nuff said!
Titans.

49ers at Falcons (-3.5)
Oh man, this is going to be an awful game. Joey Heisman versus Alex Smith? Oh man, I think I’m gonna be sick. I honestly don’t know who to take, although I feel like the 49ers should be able to play well on the road. Bobby Petrino looks grossly overmatched every week.
49ers.

Jaguars at Saints (-3)
At the beginning of the season, I would’ve blocked out time to go watch this game with my buddy “Christopher Lee,” but the Saints are still not back to being the team they were last season and the Jags are relying on the third string QB to help them out. I like the Jags defense, should contain the run and their corners are decent. I think a low scoring game favors them, but I have this feeling the Saints are going to run away with another one.
Saints.

Broncos at Lions (-3)
Three months ago I wouldn’t have even thought the Lions had a shot at beating the Broncos…now it doesn’t even surprise me that they’re favored. Jay Cutler looks more lost than Mandy Moore in a room with Hallie Berry, Nicole Kidman and Helen Mirren (Oscar winners…cough, cough), and Rod Smith has officially been shelved for the remainder of the season. It could be a long, long Winter in Denver.
Lions.

Bengals at Bills (+1)
The line for this game opened up with the Bills as 3-point favorites. Hmm, wouldn’t have anything to do with Johnnie Tokes-A-Lot getting the start at QB would it…? You’ve got to believe the Bengals are going to win this game, I mean they’re playing the Bills. Problem is, the Bills are playing pretty well at home and Carson Palmer is getting interception-happy like he’s auditioning for the title role in “The Fluttering Duck, the Chad Pennington Story.” Still, I just can’t knowingly put money on the Losmantacular JP.
Bengals.

Chargers at Vikings (+7)
If this were the 1930’s, the Vikings would be undefeated…what with the forward pass being outlawed. But it’s 2007, and every time the ball leaves Tavaris Jackson’s hand it seems to go backwards. Adrian Peterson can’t be happy about spending the next three years in Minnesota with Brad Childress; although luck for him, Childress might not last that long.
Chargers.

Seahawks at Browns (-1)
I don’t understand how the Browns are favored, even by a point…I’m like President Bush at a Tom Stoppard play, I just don’t understand. Back in the day (you know, last season) the Browns were dropping games the way Dog the Bounty Hunter drops N-bombs. All of a sudden, they’re half-decent. But this is Seattle we’re talking about and I don’t think they’ll be allowed back into Washington State if they lose to Cleveland.
Seattle.

Patriots at Colts (+5.5)
People are going to get mad at me for saying this…those of you that didn’t get mad on Tuesday that is: Bill Belichick is putting Tom Brady at risk every time he sends him onto the field in the 4^th Quarter of a blow out. Tony Dungy’s guys have something that most of Belichick’s players lack: class. I don’t think anyone on Indy’s defense is going to go after Brady, then again I don’t expect the Colts to lose. I’m just saying, the “we’re not doing anything wrong” routine is wearing dangerously thin.
Colts.

Texans at Raiders (-3)
Daunte Culpepper has been benched in favor of one of the seven McCown brothers; which is like trading your Ducati Unicycle in for a brand new scooter made by Opel. The Texans though, are once again relying on the Incomparable Sage Rosenfels; so honestly who cares.
Texans.

Cowboys at Eagles (-3)
On the face of it, I’d like to take the Eagles…mainly because I hate the Cowboys and I think Tony Romo is a bigger fraud than Charlie Weis. Okay, that’s not fair; he’d have to gain, like, 300 pounds first. Still, this whole Donovan McNabb rehabbing in-Season thing, isn’t really working out, not to mention he still doesn’t have anyone to throw to. Then there’s the unpleasantness with Walrus Junior’s kids both getting tossed in jail and a judge calling his home a “drug emporium,” that’s not boosting morale. Neither is the cheer, “let’s win one for Coach’s smacked-out-drug-dealing-pistol-waving sons on Sunday!!!!”
Cowboys.

Ravens at Steelers (-9)
I like the Steelers, I like the Steelers a lot. They’re not as good as the Colts or Pats, but they’re better than just about every other team in the AFC; and you know that Cam Cameron, Ken Whisenhunt and the rest of the jokers who got hired during the off-Season are super pissed at Mike Tomlin. Steve McNair is getting the start, which normally I would say spells victory for the Ravens, just not in Pittsburgh.
Steelers.

Week 8 Wrap Up

Belichick, Not Running up Score…Just Being a Dick

Week 8 Wrap Up

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Before we get started, I’d actually like to congratulate Alex Rodriguez on his timing. Having your agent announce you’re nothing but a money-grubbing prick player, just as the Boston Red Sox are about to wrap up their second World Series title in four years, stealing all of their thunder, is just fine by me. Aside from that little blessing, this weekend was a pretty good one for New York City, but not so nice for Denver.
The Giants continued their march towards a second-half collapse; touching up the Dolphins at Silly Nanny Stadium. Miami made the game interesting in the fourth quarter, but it was too little, too late…although if they hadn’t traded away their best wide receiver Wes Welker Chris Chambers, they might’ve had a shot. New York rode Brandon Jacobs’ 131 yards rushing to the victory and Eli Manning had another Losmantastic game going 8 – 22 for a whopping 59 yards; finishing with a passer rating of 44.9.
The Lions continued their improbable march towards a winning record (no thanks to Matt Millen), beating the Bears, in Chicago. Perhaps, less surprising than the fact that the Lions are winning games, are the losses of the Bears, which continue to pile up. I know the Sex Cannon and Griese wouldn’t be most teams choices for a second QB, but it’s looking a lot like the Bears are missing Tank Johnson a lot more than they thought they would. Still, I’m glad the Bears are now being bitten in the ass for kicking a guy off the team for what amounted to a trumped-up charge.
The Titans continued to squeak by mediocre teams, beating the Raiders in a game that competed with the Jets-Bills game for the title of: Rather-Gouge-My-Eyes-Out-With-A-Claw Hammer-Than-Watch-The-Rest-Of. Vince Young put up Akili Smith-like numbers for the second game in a row and one could argue that even though he’s playing, the Madden Curse has rendered him virtually ineffective for the season. And yes, I know calling the Raiders "mediocre" is an insult to the Bills, Lions and Chiefs of the League, but I don’t really care.
The Steelers continued to try to create space at the top of the AFC North, throwing the Bengals a beating at home 24 – 13; although at one point, Cincinnati was down 24 – 6. The Bengals running game is virtually non-existent, Carson Palmer can’t seem to find his stride and they’re missing alleged cradle-robber/enabler, Chris Henry, more than expected. In all fairness though, he does look act like he’s 15, so you can understand how kids can get confused.
The Rams struggles continued when they hosted the Browns and Steven Jackson, fresh off of returning from resting his “lady parts” tweaked his back apparently compensating for some lingering groin pain. St. Louis opened up a 14 – 3 lead, before deciding that without their running back they’d just let Cleveland score 24 unanswered points. I’m just sad the Rams don’t play the Dolphins in Week 17…I think that would be too perfect for words.
The Eagles tried to get back on track, in a game I was almost certain they’d lose, beating the Vikings in Minnesota 23 – 16. While the loss itself isn’t that surprising, the Vikings are this years version of the Panthers; they play Dallas tough on the road and then get shredded by Donovan McNabb at home in a game that was never really close. The Vikings are supposed to have a pretty stout (although, they're looking more like Ricki Lake than Roseanne...chubby, not quite "stout") defense and the Eagles offensive line is worse than Au Bon Pain’s customer service; this should made for a fairly easy Minnesota victory. Instead, the Vikings dropped to 2 – 5, while the Eagles “improved” to 3 – 4.
Speaking of the streaky Panthers, they scored on their opening possession against the Colts and then must’ve decided to take the rest of the afternoon off. After taking practically an entire quarter to drive down the field and score a TD, the Panthers had no answer for Bob Sanders and the rest of the Colts secondary, who held Steve Smith to only 18 yards receiving on 2 catches; none after the opening drive. I know I harp on this a lot, but look at who the two teams have played. The Colts have gone up against: the Saints, Broncos, and Jaguars; while the Patriots have played: George Washington University, Florida A&T and Hofstra. Honestly, the only half decent team the Pats have faced has been the Cowboys.
Speaking of Hofstra, the Jets and Bills played a real barnburner snoozefest Sunday, in which the starting QB’s combined for 236 passing yards; but at least Chaditha didn’t throw another interception. Still, the Jets lost their fifth straight and, soon to be deposed QB, has mercifully taken his last snap as their starter.
The Chargers returned to their winning ways, beating a banged up Texans team that some people (mostly morons, not me) had winning the AFC South at the start of the season 35 – 10. Prodigal Son, Philip Rivers, was out-passed by Sage Rosenfels (something to be proud of) and Tomlinson was held to less than 100 yards on the ground. Still, the Texans tossed 4 interceptions and fumbled once for good measure.
Jacksonville came back to beat Tampa Bay 24 – 23, in the Battle for Florida Relevancy, and New Orleans took down San Francisco, 31 – 10.
That brings us to the New England Football Patriots, their “dreamy” QB and their sullen head coach. Seriously, Belichick looks more depressed than Britney these days..and he's a winner! The Dark Lord of the Foxboro claimed he hasn’t been trying to run up the score (yeah, sure) on opposing teams and his just playing football. Meanwhile, his Young Apprentice is on pace to throw close to 60 TD’s this season, and shatter Peyton Manning’s record of 49, but should probably watch his back. Honestly, if you can give me one good reason why Tom Brady and the rest of the teams starters are still in the game during the fourth quarter when the Pats are already up 38 – 0, I’d like to hear it. Sure, it’s all fun and games for people in Beantown when the Pats are blowing teams out, but you know Ray Lewis isn’t going to stand for that mess when they visit the Ravens. If Brady goes down in the fourth quarter of a meaningless game, all because Belichick wants to stick it to the other guy, people in Boston are going to be furious…and the Pats are going to be without a Championship.
Last but not least, the Packers almost lost a sloppy game against the Denver Broncos last night, but were saved by a dagger to Colorado’s collective heart in the form of an 82-yard bomb from Brett Favre to Greg Jennings on the first play from scrimmage in overtime. The Packers seemed to forget how to score and then allowed the Broncos to make it to the 4 yard line (missing about 12 tackles during the drive) before Denver was saved for, like the ninth time this season, by the right foot of Jason Elam. All of the extra work was for naught with Jennings grab, which capped off probably the worst weekend in Denver Sports since, well, ever!

Random Observations:
44.9 is no 0.0, but it’s still pretty crappy.
The Colts play 5 of their remaining 9 games at home this season…that could be HUGE down the stretch.
Kellen Clemens is getting the start at QB for the Jets on Sunday. Way to go Dennis, only about a month late with that decision!
What was Jay Feeley thinking, or rather I guess he wasn’t thinking with the Dolphins down 13 – 10, trying a squib-kick on the kickoff on a field with natural grass that had soaked up probably six hours of rainwater?
Marvin Lewis looks constipated throughout most of Cincinnati’s games.

Next Week:
At least the Rams and Dolphins won’t lose number nine, as both teams have a bye.
Final Score of the Houston-Oakland game? 6 – 3.
That mighty Patriot train most likely has a derailment traveling through Indianapolis.

Unsubstantiated Sports Rumor of the Week:
Tape of Belichick saying he wants to stick it to League by blowing out competition mysteriously destroyed...?