Friday, November 02, 2007

Week 9 Preview

All Teams Happy to be Ignored at Mid-Season

Week 9 Preview

Friday, November 02, 2007

Before I give you my picks, I just want to say that no self respecting New Yorker should be a Patriots fan, or should even root for the Patriots. I mean, why? Why would you live in New York and start talking smack about how the Colts and their fans are scared of playing the Pats on Sunday? Oh really? Did something change from the AFC Championship game when the Pats blew an 18-point lead, besides adding a couple players and racking up 8 straight wins against cupcake teams…? Oh, nothing changed? Okay, shut up then.

Redskins at Jets (+3.5)
Kellen Clemens is getting his first start at QB for the Jets, and while the shot in the arm might do them some good, I’m not sure its going to be enough to beat the Skins. On the other side of the coin, Jason Campbell seems to have taken a step backwards since playing the Packers a couple weeks ago. Still, a QB change isn’t enough for me to actually put money on the Jets…I mean, I could just as easily set my wallet on fire!

Packers at Chiefs (-1.5)
I’m not quite sure how the Chiefs are favored, home game or not. The Chiefs are virtually rudderless and the Packers (almost blowing a lead on Monday night notwithstanding) are looking pretty good.

Cardinals at Bucs (-3.5)
No contest. Leinart is done for the season, God Boy is still playing with that injured arm, their third option is a guy who has no business banging Elizabeth Hasselbeck and people in Arizona are probably munching Peyote by the handful waiting for spring. The Bucs meanwhile, lost a hard fought battle to one of the AFC’s better teams and are right in the thick of it in the putrid NFC South.

Panthers at Titans (-4)
Some things don’t make any sense. I was talking to my buddy the Tracker earlier today, mainly surprised he was awake. See, it was around 9, a.m. in New York and he lives in LA now so I didn’t understand why he was up at 6. My explanation was simple: “I thought the point of living in LA was going to Le Deux, doing blow off of Lohan’s chest while smoking a splif with TI before heading to a party in the Hills with a Cristal waterfall in the living room and a midget in a cage hanging from the ceiling.” What does any of that have to do with the game? Not much except, things are never as they appear to be when it comes to Tennessee; they play tough and are making Vince Young’s mistakes look small. The Panthers are relying on someone’s grandfather and David Carr…nuff said!

49ers at Falcons (-3.5)
Oh man, this is going to be an awful game. Joey Heisman versus Alex Smith? Oh man, I think I’m gonna be sick. I honestly don’t know who to take, although I feel like the 49ers should be able to play well on the road. Bobby Petrino looks grossly overmatched every week.

Jaguars at Saints (-3)
At the beginning of the season, I would’ve blocked out time to go watch this game with my buddy “Christopher Lee,” but the Saints are still not back to being the team they were last season and the Jags are relying on the third string QB to help them out. I like the Jags defense, should contain the run and their corners are decent. I think a low scoring game favors them, but I have this feeling the Saints are going to run away with another one.

Broncos at Lions (-3)
Three months ago I wouldn’t have even thought the Lions had a shot at beating the Broncos…now it doesn’t even surprise me that they’re favored. Jay Cutler looks more lost than Mandy Moore in a room with Hallie Berry, Nicole Kidman and Helen Mirren (Oscar winners…cough, cough), and Rod Smith has officially been shelved for the remainder of the season. It could be a long, long Winter in Denver.

Bengals at Bills (+1)
The line for this game opened up with the Bills as 3-point favorites. Hmm, wouldn’t have anything to do with Johnnie Tokes-A-Lot getting the start at QB would it…? You’ve got to believe the Bengals are going to win this game, I mean they’re playing the Bills. Problem is, the Bills are playing pretty well at home and Carson Palmer is getting interception-happy like he’s auditioning for the title role in “The Fluttering Duck, the Chad Pennington Story.” Still, I just can’t knowingly put money on the Losmantacular JP.

Chargers at Vikings (+7)
If this were the 1930’s, the Vikings would be undefeated…what with the forward pass being outlawed. But it’s 2007, and every time the ball leaves Tavaris Jackson’s hand it seems to go backwards. Adrian Peterson can’t be happy about spending the next three years in Minnesota with Brad Childress; although luck for him, Childress might not last that long.

Seahawks at Browns (-1)
I don’t understand how the Browns are favored, even by a point…I’m like President Bush at a Tom Stoppard play, I just don’t understand. Back in the day (you know, last season) the Browns were dropping games the way Dog the Bounty Hunter drops N-bombs. All of a sudden, they’re half-decent. But this is Seattle we’re talking about and I don’t think they’ll be allowed back into Washington State if they lose to Cleveland.

Patriots at Colts (+5.5)
People are going to get mad at me for saying this…those of you that didn’t get mad on Tuesday that is: Bill Belichick is putting Tom Brady at risk every time he sends him onto the field in the 4th Quarter of a blow out. Tony Dungy’s guys have something that most of Belichick’s players lack: class. I don’t think anyone on Indy’s defense is going to go after Brady, then again I don’t expect the Colts to lose. I’m just saying, the “we’re not doing anything wrong” routine is wearing dangerously thin.

Texans at Raiders (-3)
Daunte Culpepper has been benched in favor of one of the seven McCown brothers; which is like trading your Ducati Unicycle in for a brand new scooter made by Opel. The Texans though, are once again relying on the Incomparable Sage Rosenfels; so honestly who cares.

Cowboys at Eagles (-3)
On the face of it, I’d like to take the Eagles…mainly because I hate the Cowboys and I think Tony Romo is a bigger fraud than Charlie Weis. Okay, that’s not fair; he’d have to gain, like, 300 pounds first. Still, this whole Donovan McNabb rehabbing in-Season thing, isn’t really working out, not to mention he still doesn’t have anyone to throw to. Then there’s the unpleasantness with Walrus Junior’s kids both getting tossed in jail and a judge calling his home a “drug emporium,” that’s not boosting morale. Neither is the cheer, “let’s win one for Coach’s smacked-out-drug-dealing-pistol-waving sons on Sunday!!!!”

Ravens at Steelers (-9)
I like the Steelers, I like the Steelers a lot. They’re not as good as the Colts or Pats, but they’re better than just about every other team in the AFC; and you know that Cam Cameron, Ken Whisenhunt and the rest of the jokers who got hired during the off-Season are super pissed at Mike Tomlin. Steve McNair is getting the start, which normally I would say spells victory for the Ravens, just not in Pittsburgh.


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