Week 5 Wrap Up

Travis Johnson, Stand-up Guy

Week 5 Wrap Up

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Okay, so the TMQB took a short break and went to LA (to take in an Angels game and watch their un-fans celebrate winning the AL West a/k/a Second Weakest Division in Baseball), but now we’re back and ready to go.
First of all, let me say this; and I know I’m not going to score very many points; but Trent Green is a moron. There, I said it. If there are 10 other guys on your team (who don’t have a history of concussing themselves, by the way) what the hell are you doing trying to block a 315-pound lineman below the knees…while leading with your head??? Are you serious? Hey Trent, what did you think was going to happen when you catapulted your head in front of the knee of a man running full speed? Shit, I get a headache when I get out of bed too quickly. Honestly, it’s not like it matters; the Dolphins season was over when they let Daunte Culpepper out of his contract waste away before letting him go to Oakland (thanks guys) and signed a 37-year old QB who’s been concussed more times than Lohan’s had DUI’s. There’s no doubt in my mind that now that the Losmantastic Cleo Lemon is at the helm the Fins will win the rest of their games and manage a Wild Card berth…yeah, and Ray Carruth isn’t a baby killer. By the way, for those of you keeping score at home, the Dolphins pooched a sure win against the Texans and ended up staying winless, falling 22 – 19.
Elsewhere around the League, Byron Leftwich came in to relieve Joey Harrington (which if you ask me is kinda like trading in your Opel for a Peugeot) and proceeded to throw 4 straight passes to 8-foot tall imaginary receivers…yeah, he’s not rusty at all. You can’t tell me that the City of Atlanta would rather have a puppy-killer than the duo they’ve got now. Atlanta fell 20 – 13, despite 3 (count ‘em, three) Vince Young interceptions. I don’t even know how that happens. Seriously, how does the opposing QB throw 3 interceptions and you still end up losing the game? Oh right, your starting QB is Joey Harrington…right.
Elsewhere, the Ravens beat the 49ers in a game that proved more useless than reading to deaf children; Jacksonville beat Kansas City (snooze); Arizona beat St. Louis and the Bears “shocked” the Packers. Although, in order for the Bears to really shock the Packers, the Packers would actually have to be good and the Bears would have to go back in time and not make it to the Super Bowl…LAST YEAR.
Right around the time I was waking up Sunday to make some Purple Fingerling Potato Hash (yeah, the TMQB cooks too) the Giants and Jets were playing a thrilling game that saw Eli Manning finish the first half with a 0.0 Passer Rating. Never fear Giants fans, if there’s one thing you can count on Chad Pennington for (well, besides his girlish throwing arm and inability to pass more than 15-yards) is his knack for throwing interceptions exactly when the Jets are driving for a game winning or tying score. He did it last week against Buffalo and did it again on Sunday when the Giants had just gone up 28 – 24; the resulting TD on a run-back by Aaron Ross, put the game out of reach. You can bet that if the Jets and Giants didn’t play in the same stadium it would’ve been a very long flight for Chad(itha).
Before we get ahead of ourselves, saying the Chargers are BACK and start clearing space in the playoffs for them, lets try to remember they played the Denver Broncos, who (I’m pretty sure I told you) stink. Okay, "stink" might be a little harsh, but Jay Cutler is not Peyton Manning…hell, Jay Culter might not even be J.P. Losman, I’m sorry, low blow. But honestly, is anyone surprised by this loss considering they barely beat the Bills and Raiders? By the way, check this out…the GIANT head of Tony Siragusa. Scary, isn’t it? So, if we learned anything, it’s that the Chargers are still bad, just not as bad as the Broncos. To all those people talking about Jay Cutler & Philip Rivers being the second coming…they were a combined 36-for-54, with 502 yards passing, 2 TD’s & 1 Int…Wow! Stellar numbers, really. So, when do we take Peyton’s MVP Awards away…? No, no, I can wait.

The Colts won, the Steelers won and the Redskins won; but none of those things were really surprising so let’s move on, shall we? The Patriots also won, knocking off yet another team that probably would’ve lost to Stanford this weekend, beating perennial powerhouse losers the Browns. With the exception of road games at Indy and Baltimore and a home game against Pittsburgh, New England’s schedule is easier than Paris Hilton…at Lake Havasu…after a chugging contest.

Random Observations:
How pissed do you think all those people who have Ladainian Tomlinson on their fantasy teams were when the Chargers blow out the Broncos, his backup goes for 147 yards and he only goes for 67?
Pacman Jones thinks he’s done enough to be reinstated…yeah, and Mike Vick is going to end up getting a suspended sentence.
It’s too bad Tony Dungy and Bill Polian talk about god so much and, ya’know, have respect for people…otherwise, they would’ve signed Tank Johnson, who might be coming back to the League sooner than expected.
Honestly, and I don’t think I’m exaggerating, Chad Pennington should never be allowed to touch a football again.

Next Week:
Could Baltimore and St. Louis play to a 0 – 0 tie? Tune in to find out.
The Cowboys nice little win streak hits a snag when the Pats come to town.
Miami and Cleveland battle for the title of Worst Team in Football.

Unsubstantiated Sports Rumor of the Week:
New England is in talks to resign Charlie Weis, because Belichick is worried he doesn’t have enough over-weight pompous coaches on his staff.