Just When You Thought it was Safe to Check Your E-mail…

Just When You Thought it was Safe to Check Your E-mail…

The TMQB Rears it’s Ugly Head…Again

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Where to begin? It’s been god knows how long since my last post. Most of you, (read the three of you, who kept checking this site hoping I’d actually post again) have been greatly rewarded by your patience.

Although, honestly it’s almost football season & this is after all the Tuesday Morning QUARTERBACK; not Pitcher, Striker, Long-Stick-Middie or Coxswain. For starters though, I’m a little worried I’ve forgotten how to be funny kinda the way Lohan forgets to wear underpants. Okay, I know that was a cheap shot, but you’ve got to start small. I mean, you don’t stop riding your Trikey and then months later just jump on a Ducati 999.

We had a pretty busy Off-Season, and rather than try to cover everything that happened let’s just agree to gloss over it briefly shall we? In summation: the Bills still stink, the Dolphins somehow got worse, the Raiders have a 16 year old kid coaching the team, Eli Manning proved he has a charisma of a Bull Python that’s just eaten Volkswagen, no one thinks the Colts are going to repeat (which is fine with me, when they’re getting fitted with another ring), Mike Vick is a HUGE supporter of the ASPCA, and everyone except me has already handed over Super Bowl XLII to the Patriots.

Everyone seems to think the Bills are somehow a better team after they lost their best defensive player in Nate Clements. These are probably the same people who think Chad Pennington is actually a good QB or that Cato June is better off in Tampa Bay. Speaking of the Colts, even after winning a Super Bowl, they still get screwed out of respect like Paris Hilton at a MENSA convention.

The season kicks off Thursday night when the Colts host the Saints and start their title defense a few days early. I won’t even talk about this game, because you obviously know who I think is going to win…that’s the Colts, for any of you who haven’t been reading my little page the past couple years.

Rather than handicap this weekends games today, I’ll save that for Thursday or something. I know what you’re thinking, “Jesus, Elliott is going to promise to post something again and it’ll be another six years before we hear from him again!” Touché; however, I promise that this time it will be different. I will come through in the clutch; which is probably what Britney says every time she shoves that “last” Twinkie in her mouth. Oh, get your minds out of the gutter people…I’m talking about the actual food!

Random Observations:

I wonder if that guy Beansy still reads this thing…?

Did anyone happen to catch Venus Williams’ Fourth Round match against Ana Ivanovic? More pointedly, did anyone check out the chick sitting next to her sister? WOW! I mean, seriously, holy crap!

Gotta make Crazy George feel great when his team sweeps Boston and then drops two of three to the Devil Rays…Getting outscored 23-to-12 in the process.

Next Week:

The Texans start the post-David Carr era with thumping at the hands of the Chiefs.

The Lions-Raiders game will have lower ratings than the Season Finale of ABC’s The Nine.

Unsubstantiated Sports Rumor of the Week:

Brady Quinn was in the bathroom stall with Sen. Larry E. Craig?