Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Post-Everything Wrap Up

Confused Writer Forgets Duty to Reader

Post-Everything Wrap Up

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me? It’s been almost an entire month since I last cranked out one of these bad boys and you guys sit there like hopped up bumps on logs and can’t even help a brutha out? A whole hell of a lot has happened since the last time I got one of these things going but for starters the Colts won the Super Bowl so sit on that one everyone who doubted me…or more pointedly Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning. I was reading an article about the Colts run and where they rank among teams that have won Super Bowls and I’d have to say I think they’re pretty far up there. I don’t just say this as a Colts fan but because by all accounts the one part of their team they could count on all season didn’t really show up during the playoffs. Manning had more interceptions than he did touchdowns; Marvin Harrison (far and away the best active receiver in the League) was essentially a non-factor; and the offense which usually plays with a 14-point lead, spent most of the playoff run playing catch-up. What is worth mentioning though is my record throughout the Playoffs…10 – 1. Yeah, that’s right, ten wins and only one loss; that’s a better winning percentage than Coach Vagrant and the Cleft-Chinned Wonder. Of course if I was picking games like this during the regular season, I’d be in the black a few dozen Sawbucks. In fact, I was so confident the Colts would not only win, but cover the spread during the Super Bowl I decided to tease the line up from 6.5 to 10…suicide bet you say? Perhaps, but they covered didn’t they?
I should kick my own ass for not mentioning the fact that the Super Bowl showcased not one, but two black Head Coaches and that not only the outcome of the came was historic but the game itself. Lovie Smith beat Tony Dungy to the Super Bowl by about two hours but Dungy came out on top, beating his former student and hoisting the Vince Lombardi trophy. In the wake of the Super Bowl, the Pro Bowl came and went with about as much fanfare as that new Mandy Moore lead-balloon vehicle “Because I Said So.” And it seems things got so bad, I couldn’t even tell you who won. If I had to wager a guess, I’d say the NFC because usually the NFC is upset from losing the game that matters the week before while most of the AFC players are more interested in getting tans, hitting on Suzy Kolber, and eating sushi.
So I’ve been a little remiss in my duties, but I promise to step it up a notch; hell, baseball season is around the corner…pitchers and catchers are reporting as I write this, and I’ve got a feeling the Yankees might actually make a serious run for number 27 this year. Stacking things up, the Yanks are in much better shape than their northern counterparts who are still sans a closer and paid more money to guys with less combined talent this off-season than the producers of Smokin’ Aces; Piven and Common notwithstanding. Pretty soon I’ll start to crank out my MLB Season Kick-Off Issue…I promise, no grand proclamations without delivering (a little like Rex Grossman, man I can’t believe I didn’t make a fool of him for saying he’d be happy when he, “would hoist the trophy and then hopefully hoist a couple more.”)
Since we’ve last gathered round, all of the teams in the NFL have gotten themselves new coaches and one team that I remember saying should’ve canned their coach, finally did. Marty Schottenheimer is finally out of a job in San Diego and while you gotta feel for the guy, he was also inept in delivering when it counted. What good is a 14 – 2 season when you lose your first game in the playoffs…AT HOME? If he couldn’t get a playoff victory out of the talent on that team last year, what assurance did Chargers GM, A.J. Smith, have that the trend was going to change? The thing that sucks for the Chargers is Oakland can’t stay bad forever and Denver should be better this year (at least on paper) which basically means the Chargers window is probably closing; Tomlinson or no Tomlinson. I mean, they still have “Lights Out” I’ve written about the dangers of playing with needles before…Early word out of sunny San Diego is that Smith has Bears Defensive Coordinator Ron Rivera at the top of his wish list; a list that also includes 49ers Assistant Head Coach Mike Singletary and Ravens Defensive Coordinator Rex Ryan.
The Cowboys performed an exhaustive search for a new coach after Tony Romo single-handedly ended Bill Parcells’ storied career when he accidentally rubbed his hands with Crisco instead of resin before taking that snap against Seattle. After floating stories they were going to hire Norv Turner (probably the biggest mistake Jerry Jones would’ve made since the Dave Campo fiasco…“The Player” notwithstanding); the Boys switched gears going Rooney Rule Crazy bringing in Singletary, Rivera and Colts Assistant Coach Jim Caldwell before settling on another also-ran coach in Wade Phillips. I’m sure Jerry will let Wade, or as I like to call him, Jabba, finish out his contract but I’d take 20 – 1 odds on his 3-year contract being renewed.

Next Week:
For starters let’s just crank out an issue and go from there.

Random Observations:
Phil Mickelson winning a Pro-Am is like Tiger winning an Amateur Championship. No one should be the least bit surprised...he’s the best guy in the field by a long shot.
I don’t understand why it took this long to fire Marty, why not after he broke Drew Brees last season?
Sadly, Matt Millen is still gainfully employed.
Charlie Weis is suing because he says they botched his gastric by-pass surgery? Duh, have you seen the guy?
Seriously, anyone know who won the Pro Bowl?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

No mention of Beansy? WTF?

10:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard there was a new post...where is it, why is Google fucking up another good thing?

1:25 PM  

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