Tuesday, August 29, 2006

WNBA Finals Preview

Little Leaguers Don’t Need Help of Monster to Defeat Japanese

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

WNBA Finals Preview

So I’m sitting there last night, getting ready to start my fantasy draft, I’ve got a king size Bud Light near my right hand and a beer stein full of water on my left. I’ve got all the skill position players ranked 1 through 10 and even though we haven’t even started, I’m feeling pretty good with the fourth pick. Then, in typical fashion, things go south. If everyone knows that our draft is supposed to start at 8:45, why is it that it’s 8:25 and there’s one Ass Clown who hasn’t joined the league yet? I mean, c’mon man if you’ve got a job that requires you to be there past 8, p.m. on a daily basis then maybe fantasy football isn’t for you.
Done with that league, if it takes you longer to get yourself together than a Courtney Love stint in rehab, I want nothing to do with you. Perhaps Greg Anderson should be telling that to Barry Bonds. Bonds’ former trainer, the aforementioned steroid munching Anderson, is heading back to prison after refusing to cooperate with the grand jury. Just a thought for the California Penal System; might not be the best of ideas to have a roided up guy with knowledge of steroids running around general pop mixing license plate paint and backing soda, hmm?
I’m not really going to dwell on Tiger Woods winning yet another tournament, I think I’ve said everything that there is to say, and people have written all there is to write. But I am a little curious because even if Elin isn’t at the tournament that week, the networks should be obligated to show her at least twice an hour.
In his ongoing effort to continue taking money from the Yankees without actually doing anything in return, Carl Pavano concealed two broken ribs he sustained in a car accident two weeks ago. Thanks to his guaranteed contract, Pavano can look forward to sitting on his (once injured) ass while collecting the remaining $20 Million on his contract. No word yet on whether George is going to ask for any money back but I’m guessing with this new mustache fiasco they’ll stay mum. Pavano is scheduled to make his final rehab start in Durham on Wednesday and I’m guessing between now and then he’ll stub a toe or come down with a case of Swine Flu.
In other baseball related news, and perhaps some of the last for a couple weeks, the Red Sox have sent the Spanish Viagra nibbling David Ortiz home for tests on an irregular heart beat. Rather than directly make fun of the guy with the irregular heart beat, I’ll just ask what’s a 300 pound guy doing taking Elevex in the first place?
It’s nice to see the Saints are trying to win right away to give the good people of New Orleans something to feel good about. Trading Donte’ Stallworth to the Eagles for basically a third down linebacker seems like a pretty good start. Maybe it’s a give and take with Saints owner Bam Bam Benson. Sign an inexperienced coach, then sign Drew Brees. Draft Reggie Bush, then trade Stallworth. What’s next, make the playoffs, then move to LA? If Benson really wants to help out New Orleans and the Saints, he should beat up Dan Snyder and then sell the team to Mark Cuban.
The Andre Agassi Farewell Tour rolled on last night after encountering a speed bump in the form of Andrei Pavel. Agassi needed over three hours to beat the Romanian who admitted he thought, “I have him!” but we all know thinking you’ve got Andre Agassi beat is dumber than CBS’s decision to green light Survivor, Racism Edition. I’m hoping Andre can at least hold on for a little while, I’d like to see another one of those great late-tournament matches, like the one he and James “I only play good tennis in alternating weeks” Blake gave us last year.

Random Observations:
Former relief pitcher, Jeff Reardon, was found not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect in the wake of his robbing a jewelry store last year. Makes me a little nervous, Romo is bound to do something crazy. Do you think he’s stockpiling prescription meds?
When did Johnny Damon and Jason Giambi agree with Sal Fasano that there needed to be more dirty mustaches in the Yankee Clubhouse?
Are the Packers really that bad? I watched MNF last night and wow! Last time I saw a beating that bad, Ken Shamrock was leaving the Octagon looking like the kid from Mask after being touched up by Tito Ortiz.

Next Week:
The TMQB’s Special Edition NFL Season Prediction Spectacular.
Brett Favre starts to rethink this whole comeback thing.
Fragile Chad injures himself yet again, fans rejoice in Hempstead.