Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Super Bowl Wrap Up

NFL Reports, Estimated 900 Million
Bored to Tears by Super Bowl

Super Bowl Wrap Up

Tuesday, February 7, 2006

Hope you had a good book, bet heavily and won, or got blind drunk because otherwise you were probably pretty damn bored on Sunday afternoon; I know I was. I don’t even understand why the NFL makes up these bogus numbers to act like the 110, or whatever, countries that the Super Bowl is shown in around the world actually give two sh!ts about the game. I think people in Botswana, Luxembourg, and Singapore are more concerned with eating food, chocolate, and making sure no one spits on the sidewalk, respectively.
We also finally had some trash talking from a guy no one’s ever heard of (TE, Jerramy Stevens) who first stupidly insults Jerome Bettis and then says of Joey Porter, “if he needs to use me as motivation for this game, that’s sad…he’ll definitely know who I am after the game.” Okay Jerramy, you caught a 16 yard pass half way through the third quarter to cut the Steelers lead to 4. But you didn’t really think they were going to let you say that, “it’ll be a sad day when Jerome Bettis doesn’t leave Detroit a Super Bowl Champion” and get away with it did you? Stevens was the recipient of an absolutely filthy hit at the hands of Polamalu and Porter where he almost got his head taken off. Oh yeah, he dropped four balls too.
I should’ve known things were going to be bad when it took Aaron Neville, Aretha Franklin, Hank Williams and 700 gospel singers twenty minutes to sing the National Anthem. It was still better than Carrie Underwood’s impression of fingernails across a chalkboard two weeks ago, but not by much.
The game itself, especially the first half, I liken to going to the dentist’s office and seeing a donkey wearing a surgical mask. It’s definitely not what you’re expecting and then you’re sore after the donkey kicks your tooth out. Aside from Big Ben’s touchdown that was, er wasn’t, er was; nothing really happened. And let’s not get crazy with the complaints that the ref’s handed the game to Pittsburgh. If they hadn’t been given the touchdown on that play, they would’ve had 4th down on like the 1inch line and you know Cowher would’ve gone for it. What’s the worst thing that happens, you turn the ball over on downs and force Seattle to go 100 yards for a score. Seattle had done a mediocre job, at best, of moving the ball at that point. If the Steelers didn’t score, they probably would’ve forced a punt and gotten the ball on the Seahawk 45 for another shot at the end zone. As many people thought the Steelers would have been up at the half, certainly no one expected the game to be 7 – 3 by then.
The second half was more of the same and Willie Parker’s 75 yard touchdown run completely deflated the Seahawks. You could see the faces of some of their players, just waiting for the Lombardi Trophy to be brought out and to have the MVP awarded to somebody in a white jersey. I watched the game with a pack of rabid Steelers fans and I’d say there was a general sense of calm in the entire apartment for most of the second half. The Steelers were up 14 – 3 and even when Seattle scored, the attitude was, “oh, it’s okay, is it time to celebrate yet?” It just seemed like Pittsburgh wasn’t trying to win as hard as Seattle was; like on Friday night, Tagliabue had told Bettis there was nothing to worry about and Bettis let the cat out of the bag at the team breakfast Saturday. Roethelisberger had the lowest rating of any winning Super Bowl quarterback: 22.6, looking Losmantastic in the process. Although since both Manning’s are pretty terrible come playoff time, I’ll give J.P. a break. Ben pulled an Eli, but unlike the Giants, the Steelers weren’t trolling soup kitchens looking for replacement linebackers. Oh yeah, they also managed to beat the Seahawks. So Ben did get the win; which is more than I can say for the Rogaine spokesman, Hasselbeck.
Let’s all be happy for the Steelers and Jerome Bettis, for Bill Cowher and Dan Rooney, for the city of Pittsburgh and Roethelisberger eaters everywhere. Which by the way, I give McDonald’s about two weeks before it’s getting people fat across America, for a limited time only.

Random Observations:
After the game, being forced to sit through Grey’s Anatomy was actually palatable.
Don’t be surprised when Wednesday nights Idol has higher ratings than Snooze Bowl XL.
There is no “next week” section because I want to write about the Pro Bowl less than the players want to be there.


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