Friday, October 27, 2006

Week 8 Picks

Owens Upset, Romo Getting More Coverage. Calls for Leaf to QB

Week 8 Picks

Friday, October 27, 2006

Okay, so I’ve been getting steadily worse at picking games with each successive week…kind of like Lindsay Lohan and movies. Last week was an absolute debacle, but how the hell was I supposed to know that Matt Hasselbeck would go down with a freakish injury? By the way Matt, your own secret agent of a fullback, Mack Strong, pushed E.J. Henderson into your leg; if you want to blame someone, blame him. I also had no way of knowing the Falcons defense would try to “break that reconstructed jaw of” Big Ben or that Donovan would decide to throw Tampa Bay 12 points all by himself. Yep, last weekend was pretty scary. I’m just glad I’ve got someone to walk around with when I go candy hunting come Tuesday.
You know what did make me smile? Roy Williams coming out and saying he honestly thought the Lions were a 9 win team, which if I understand him correctly, means he thinks the Lions can win out over the remainder of the season and finish 10 – 6, which is too ridiculous for words. Roy is like the fat Dixie Chick, he talks way too much, pisses everyone off, does nothing to back it up and then his teammates have to do damage control concerning the stupid things he says.
Okay, enough about mental retardation, on to my Week 8 Picks…

Texans (-3) at Titans
Under normal circumstances, I’d say picking a team in this game would be like ordering sushi on a Sunday…just not a good idea. But I’ve got too and I’m worried about both of these teams. While the Texans put a spanking on the Jaguars last weekend, Vince Young is coming off a bye week and looking to erase the bad memories of his first home start against the Cowboys in Week 4. The Titans should also be jacked up expecting the return of the face-tap dancer. Bottom line: the Titans Travis Henry ran very well against the Redskins and the Texans rush defense is nowhere near as good. Oh yeah, they’re playing in Tennessee.

Jaguars (-6.5) at Eagles
There’s going to be a trend this week with games I don’t like, this is the second…out of two. The Jags looked awful last week, Byron Leftwich is injured, again (sore ankle), and they still don’t have Marcus Stroud healthy. I’m actually worried about the possibility of David Garrard getting the start, considering he’s more mobile than an injured Leftwich and definitely no slouch in the pocket. Meanwhile, Donovan’s Chunky Soup eatin’ mama could’ve played better than he did in the first half of last week’s game; she also would’ve thrown up less. The All-American birds are going to be back home and need a win to stay ahead of the NFC East’s worst team and their possibly senile coach, while the feisty cousin to the Cougar seems a bit rudderless.

Falcons (-3.5) at Bengals
I don’t even know where to begin on this one. I trust Jim Mora, Jr.’s coaching abilities about as much as I trust a Stevie Wonder behind the wheel of a Bugatti Veyron. Despite the aberration of Michael Vick’s throwing more than 2 TD’s in the same game, I have serious doubts he’ll be able to do it in successive weeks. I also don’t see the Falcons defense stopping the Bengals…who actually haven’t scored a lot of points this year (18th in the League). I’d like to think that if this turned into a shootout between Vick and Palmer, I’d back Palmer; gimpy leg and all. No offense to Charlie Batch or anything, I actually think he’s a serviceable QB who should’ve gotten the start in Week 2 to give Ben a little more time to shake the rust off, but Batch in a shootout with Vick is like showing up to a knife fight with a spoon. This week, the spoon will be in Vick's hands.

Bucs (-9) at Giants
Until I watched the Giants essentially dominate Dallas on Monday (“essentially” because the awful play of Romo & Bledsoe combined with the ref setting a pick on Roy Williams helped too), I would’ve said 9 points was a little much. Now I’m thinking, the Giants will be home and the Bucs are, well the Bucs. Someone needs to tell Chucky that squeaking by 2 good teams by a combined 3 points does not mean you have a good team. Eli is getting better, the Giants seriously have about 10 linebackers under contract to replace Arrington and Tiki Barber seems like he’s definitely going to retire at the end of the season. He’s making every single run count, which means a little brother on brother mash up in the Barber Bowl. Oh yeah, Gradkowski throws like a chick (and looks like a felon), which doesn’t help when the wind starts to swirl in Jersey.

49ers (-16) at Bears
Under normal circumstances, I’d be kicking myself in the junk for even considering taking the Bears. I mean, c’mon, have you looked at the spread? 16 points? This thing got as high as 17.5 for a little while, which scares me even more. I know the Bears are good, but as bad as the 49ers are, it’s not like they’re Cal Tech. That said, Alex Smith has been sacked 13 times in 6 games, the Bears eat quarterbacks like Juji Fruits and they’re playing at Soldier Field; which pretty much spells doom for a guy who played college ball in Utah and now plays in San Francisco (and yeah, I know there's wind coming off the Bay). If you want, look at it like this: the Bills (that’s right, the Bills) and the Seahawks are both better than the 49ers and the Bears beat them by a combined 64 points…and while I know the 49ers had a bye too, don’t you think Urlacher and Tommie Harris have just been itching to absolutely destroy someone?

Cardinals (-4) at Packers
The Cardinals stink. Also, see above for thoughts on warm weather QB’s in cold weather (even though it’s going to be freakishly warm in Green Bay and Chicago this weekend).

Seahawks (-6) at Chiefs
While things looked like they were going from bad to worse for the Chiefs, they’ve bounced back a little bit and Seattle, who will be without Hasselbeck and Alexander, is not going to have an answer for Kansas City. If you think I’m crazy, just look at what the Chiefs did last weekend to the Chargers. Playing at Arrowhead is like showing up to a house party hosted by Michael Irvin and Marion Barry with a dimebag; just showing up isn’t going to be enough.

Saints (+2) at Ravens
I’d like to think the Saints can pull this out, but I’ve got a lot of reservations. For starters, the Ravens are pretty stingy and playing at home; also McNair has had a week to recover from the shot he took in Week 6 against the Panthers. We don’t really know how tough the Saints defense is, although they won’t have to be all that tough against the Ravens, who can’t seem to get it going. Brian Billick unceremoniously fired his best friend, which is a little like Stringer trying to sell out Avon only to have Avon sell him out first and end up dead at the hands of Brother Mouzone; which I can guarantee you was in the back of Fassel’s mind when he took the offensive coordinator position.

Rams (-9.5) at Chargers
Not in a million years would I put money on the Chargers, with a line like this, after last weekend. The Rams have looked better than good so far this season, and but for a glitch in the rulebook, would be 5 – 1, in sole possession of First in the NFC West. Also, sure Merriman is playing, but he’s bound to be distracted (not quite Hernandez shotgunning bears in the clubhouse, but still) and I wouldn’t be surprised if the Rams secondary came down with a couple picks.

Steelers (+9) at Raiders
The Steelers have looked great and the Steelers have looked awful, the main question is which version of the Pittsburgh Steelers is going to show up to play the Raiders. My biggest problem is that Cowher isn’t going to say whether Ben will be ready until game time, and that could spell trouble. Although, this is the Raiders and Randy Moss was probably so happy after last week’s victory over the mighty Cardinals he and buddy Jason Williams (the tattooed white guy, not the alleged murderer or cycle enthusiast) probably knocked over a few Huntington, West Virginia area banks to celebrate. I don’t care what happened last week when the Raiders won or how banged up Roethlisberger might be, they’ve still got Charlie Batch. I think Charlie Batch is a like calling Tara Reid when you can’t get Jennifer Love Hewitt; she’s not as good looking and the “assets” aren’t as nice, and it sure won't be pretty, but she’ll get the job done.

Jets (-1.5) at Browns
This has got to be the easiest game of the week. I don’t want to get ahead of myself and call it a lock and then have the entire Jets defense come down with Swine Flu, but I honestly don’t see how the Browns can win. Not to mention, I broke my rule about betting on the city of Cleveland and you saw what happened there; so yeah, I’m betting on the Jets. Me, the guy who likes to make fun of Chad Pennington and might’ve chuckled a little bit when I heard Curtis Martin when down with an injury. I still don’t think they’re for real, no matter what they’ve done so far; but hell, I’ll take them against the Browns any day of the week (I think “twice on Sunday” is kinda implied since they do play on a Sunday).

Colts (-3) at Broncos
Jake Plummer’s not as mobile as he once was and I’d have to think he’s maybe a little worried after watching how improved the Colts defense was after the addition of Anthony McFarland. The Addai/Rhodes combo is just starting to hit it’s stride and you’ve got to like the way Peyton is no longer afraid to play from behind (no Kenny Chesney jokes, please). Meanwhile, the Broncos defense is playing tough; but they’ve also played teams like Oakland, Cleveland and Baltimore “tough,” so finally they’re going to be tested…I don’t think they pass.

Cowboys (-5.5) at Panthers
Okay Cowboys, you guys say you’re not going to mail in the rest of your season, there’s still a lot of football left, you can still make the playoffs. Oh, Tony Romo was named your starting quarterback? Scratch that, you’re boned. The Panthers have a better defense than the Giants, and the Giants came up HUGE on Monday. I’m all for the trial by fire, but Jesus, Parcells, what are you thinking? Your starter is ready to quit on you, your leading receiver (not a guy named Owens) is upset because the two used to play together and all the other receivers are pissed because they say Romo’s throwing to T.O. too much. And to add insult to injury, the owner of your team has come out and said he thought this was a step back. Oh yeah, this is a great idea.

Patriots (+2) at Vikings
Don’t believe the hype, the Vikings are not a good football team. It may seem that way because the ball has bounced their way a couple times, but they are not good. I know Brad Johnson is happy he’s got that offensive line, because if he didn’t he’d probably be playing Pinochle with Vinny Testaverde in Boca right now (actually, it’s 9:45, p.m. as I write this; they’d probably be eating apple sauce and getting ready for bed). I’m also not dumb enough to bet against Tom Brady or LM, and although it pains me to say this, Maroney does look pretty good in a Pats uniform.

Random Observations:
Mercifully, the Bills, Dolphins, Lions & Redskins all have a bye week; it really is amazing that those 4 teams might combine for less than 20 wins…wow!
I wrote “Texans” up there and left it for about an hour…watch them win on Sunday.
I will never again say something nice about anyone looking good in a Pats uniform. Actually, why stop there? I will never again say anything about another dude looking good in any uniform.
Michael Irvin got schooled by Tiki yesterday. Read about it this weekend, when I tell you why I stand by Tiki.


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