Wednesday, September 06, 2006

NFL Prediction Spectacular, Part Deux

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

NFL Prediction Spectacular, Part Deux

We’ve already covered the NFC, although some of you have made it known you were less than happy with the way the Divisions shaped up. To you I say, in the immortal words of Homer J. Simpson, “if you don’t like it, go to Russia!” That said, lets get down to business and handicap ourselves the AFC.

American Football Conference
There’s no doubt about it, the AFC is the American League to the NFC’s National. Think of the AFC like the Sheen/Estevez Family; they’re a little crazy, they seem to grab more headlines and there’s a much higher chance one of them is going to do something crazy just to see if he can get away with it (I’m thinking mainly of the marriage to Paula Abdul and brief Demi Moore engagement). The disparity usually shows up best in head-to-head match ups, something is lost during the Super Bowl (what should’ve been a Pittsburgh blowout) and guys could care less about showing up to play in Hawaii with nothing on the table…You really think Chad Johnson is calling up DeAngelo Hall in the middle of May, being like, “yo, you got served back in February, son!” Well, maybe not Chad Johnson, but you get the point.

AFC East
The East is pretty strong and a bear of a Division to figure out. You’re almost assured of the Bills beating the Patriots 31 – 0 to open the season and then losing by the exact same score a few weeks later…The East is the Martin Sheen Division (you thought the West was going to be the Marty Sheen Division, didn’t you?). Once respectable, they went through a rough patch but in recent years have come on strong with a string of hits and even on their worst day (Jets and Bills; or worse, Jets v. Bills) they’re still dangerous.
Dolphins 10 – 6 (Once again, who would you rather have throwing to you, Frerotte or Culpepper?)
*Patriots 10 – 6 (Tom Brady will find a way, that’s what he does…more on Brady later this week)
Bills 6 – 10 (They might improve slightly over last year, but their QB is still Losmantacular!)
Jets 4 – 12 (I just don’t see how they can succeed, especially without Curtis Martin)

AFC North
The Emilio Estevez Division. They were a little crazy in the 70’s & 80’s with the Steel Curtain (and yes, I know the North didn’t exist in the 70’s & 80’s but still) and unnecessarily brash Art Modell pissing people off every other week. Then came a long, long, LONG dry spell (Ray & Super Bowl MVP Trent Dilfer notwithstanding) but now with the recent success (or new movie) respectability might be the only thing keeping you from rehab…I’m looking at you Jamal Lewis. FYI: This Division is pretty much up for grabs; with the exception of the Browns, everyone has a shot…well, maybe not the Ravens, not really.
Steelers 10 – 6 (Their D is stout and they won’t miss Big Ben that much this week)
Ravens 9 – 7 (Ray made me promise, he made me)
Bengals 8 – 8 (Too many distractions this season, I think a step back is in the cards)
Browns 6 – 10 (My soccer playing cousin has a stronger arm than Charlie Frye)

AFC South
The Robert Downey Jr., Division. The best friend who is more popular than the rest of the family combined, not as flashy as Charlie and not as much hardware either, the South still brings it and seems to flame out (usually from self-sabotage or self-doubt) continually just before making it to the top. I expect big things from the Colts (surprise, surprise), but I think the Jags and possibly the Texans will still give some other teams a lot of trouble.
Colts 13 – 3 (Cato June frightens me and Peyton Manning could throw 25 TD’s in his sleep)
Jaguars 10 – 6 (They’re good, but can’t challenge the Colts without Jimmy Smith)
Texans 6 – 10 (I’d definitely want Ron Dayne instead of Reggie Bush, wouldn’t you?)
Titans 5 – 11 (Bad things are going to happen if Vince Young gets to start before Week 6)

AFC West
The Charlie Sheen Division. The younger brother (a lot of old AFL teams here) and they get a little rambunctious at times. Usually a good smack upside the head by older brother Emilio or dear old dad can knock some sense into Chuck. The Broncos are the best team in this division by virtue of the Chargers losing their starting QB and relying on a guy who’s taken like 3 NFL snaps, while the Chiefs are a year older and lost a huge hole-creator and Pro Bowl Tackle in Willie Roaf.
Broncos 12 – 4 (There is an inverse relationship between Jay Cutler’s number of snaps and the Broncos wins)
*Chiefs 11 – 5 (I expect big things from Tamba Hali and the Baby Chiefs D)
Raiders 9 – 7 (Al Davis hasn’t been this happy to start a season since he helped Grandpa and Ox find the Hellfish Bonanza)
Chargers 6 – 10 (I trust Philip Rivers about as much as Denise trusted Charlie)

So there it is. My NFC & AFC predictions are now set. See above if you disagree.
Tomorrow, the Playoff Prediction Spectacular. Expect the Colts to go far...


Post a Comment

<< Home