Sunday, September 03, 2006

NFL Prediction Spectacular

Sunday, September 03, 2006

NFL Prediction Spectacular

Since we’re actually starting the Tuesday Morning Quarterback off on the right foot this season and starting at the beginning of the season I’m pretty geeked about September, because aside from January…and maybe April, it’s the greatest football month of the year. Every year, my dad and I handicap all of the major sports (read, MLB & NFL) all the way down to the World Series or Super Bowl, respectively. I’ve been pretty good at this the last few years (easier for baseball because you pick the Yankees and Red Sox and then representatives from the Central & West) sooner or later I’ll have it down to a science. Today we’ll be kicking off with the NFC, tomorrow it’s the AFC and then I’ll do the Playoffs on Tuesday (another double installment comin’ at ya!), then I’ll wait a while before dropping some Super Bowl knowledge on you.

National Football Conference
Let’s face it the NFC is like the Baldwin family. Together they’re respectable with a sizable set of accomplishments to their credit (not all of them good), and maybe a few tricks up their collective sleeve, but for the most part they’ve become forgotten and overshadowed by younger (younger), better looking (faster) and more talented actors (players).

NFC East
Since I just can’t bring myself to trust the Redskins or Cowboys (mainly because I hate the Redskins and the Cowboys, especially the Tuna/Bledsoe version, seem to be especially fond of implosion and adding T.O. to that Partridge Family just reeks of an E! True Hollywood Story) I’m going to go with the Giants winning the East, they did win it last year…debacle at the Meadowlands notwithstanding. I know what you’re thinking. “Jesus, Elliott, how much crack with glue sprinkled on it are you smoking these days?” I don’t care, I’m going with the Giants.
Giants 11 – 5 (Pretty sure I had Eli, Tiki & the Defense all rated highly)
Redskins 9 – 7 (Joe Gibbs needs a dribble cup and Mark Brunell is 75)
Cowboys 9 – 7 (I’m laying a Sawbuck on T.O. being benched by the Orca before Week 6)
Eagles 7 – 9 (Donovan is great, blah blah, blah, but Stallworth is no T.O.)

NFC North
This is, with the exception of perhaps the NFC West, the absolute worst Division in football. It’s like the William Baldwin of the NFL; the only thing you’ve got going for you is that you kind of look like Alec (NFC East) but even at his most fat, bloated and divorced he’s still got more talent than you’ll ever have.
Bears 11 – 5 (The Bears could cruise to 10 wins in this Division with J.P. Losman at QB)
Vikings 8 – 8 (Mummified Brad Johnson is one big hit away from crumbling into dust)
Lions 6 – 10 (This team will stink as long as they keep Millen employed)
Packers 5 – 11 (If by the grace of god the Packers win more than 5 games I will fly to Atlanta and kiss Favre’s ring)

NFC South
The NFC South is better than the North by a fair amount, but again only has one very strong team. They’re more like the Daniel Baldwin of the NFC; respectable and they resemble Alec, but...they’re not.
Panthers 12 – 4 (They’re still head and shoulders above everyone else in the South)
Falcons 9 – 7 (John Abraham makes them better, but he doesn’t throw TD's either)
Bucs 8 – 8 (I think Gruden wants to be in Tampa as much as I want to be in Hoboken)
Saints 5 – 11 (They’ve got to improve with Reggie Bush and Drew Brees, they’ve got to!)

NFC West
The West is the Stephen Baldwin on the NFC. Used to be a big ticket, completely bottomed out, reformed, but still not very good, and now won’t shut up about it. The West has a very good team, one on the rise (maybe two depending on what Linehan is able to do with Stephen Jackson and Marc Bulger) and one team that stinks out loud.
Seahawks 11 – 5 (They’ll be good, but not as good as last year)
Cardinals 8 – 8 (Everything should fall into place nicely for Dennis Green)
Rams 6 – 10 (Better, but not great)
49ers 4 – 12 (They couldn’t even win the Pac-10 right now)

Tomrrow, I handicap the AFC although it should be no secret that I'm pretty high on the Colts.


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