Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Tuesday Morning Quarterback's Fantasy Draft Spectacular

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The moment you've all been waiting for has finally arrived. Before, I was just teasing you like a schoolyard bully or the pages of Maxim; but now it's for real. So without further adieu, I give you the Tuesday Morning Quarterback's Fantasy Draft Spectacular.
I will be rating the top 5 players at all skill positions as well as my top 10 reach players that could make or break your Fantasy season. I’ve even rated Linebackers and Defensive Ends for those of you in those weirdo leagues that chart that type of stuff.

In many respects, this should seem like a no brainer...especially for me. And you know what, it is; Peyton Manning. The loss of Edge James means that Mr. I Can Read the Hell out of a Defense, as long as it's not Playoff Time, will just have to work a little harder. I'm pretty sure he's up to the task. After that it gets a little hazy because of late season injuries and random acts of stupidity.
1) Peyton Manning (Ind.) - Let's face it, the dude is nothing if not reliable.
2) Tom Brady (New) - The guy threw for over 4,000 yards last season. Great TD/Int. Ratio.
3) Matt Hasselbeck (Sea.) - Average last 3 seasons: 3,500 yards, over 20 TD's, nuff said.
4) Carson Palmer (Cin.) – Off-season knee surgery aside, he's one of the best. Careful if he takes too long coming back.
5) Eli Manning (NYG) or Trent Green (KC) - Both could have big seasons. Way I see it, Eli is due for a true breakout while Trent is streakier than a 10 year olds underpants.

Running Back:
This position is a little dangerous, generally because the guys are a little older and with a guy who touches the ball almost as much as the quarterback, there's always a chance something could go wrong.
1) Shaun Alexander (Sea.) - Despite the loss of Hutchinson he's still one of the best at what he does.
2) Tiki Barber (NYG) - Led the League in total yards last season and Eli is more mature.
3) Larry Johnson (KC) - The full load goes to him with an injured Padre.
4) LaDainian Tomlinson (SD) - Could be #2 but for Phil Rivers.
5) Steven Jackson (StL) - Balanced back that should get a lot of touches this season

Wide Receiver:
Receivers for the most part have the easiest job. Run down the field, catch the ball. A good QB can make terrible/mediocre receivers look good; See: Tom Brady or Matt Hasselbeck.
1) Steve Smith (Car.) - His numbers might take a slight dip with Keyshawn around, but he's still amazing.
2) Marvin Harrison (Ind.) - Minus Edge just means more balls thrown his way.
3) Larry Fitzgerald (Ari.) - He makes me happy like knowing Snakes on a Plane almost got beat by a movie about NASCAR.
4) Anquan Boldin (Ari.) - Honestly, no better 1-2 receiving tandem in the league (that plays up to this talent level).
5) Reggie Wayne (Ind.) - I expect big things...but I'm allowed.

Tight End:
The tight end position has taken on a whole new dynamic in the last few seasons. Ever since ex-basketball players like Tony Gonzalez and Antonio Gates brought athleticism (read, the ability to jump more to the position, tight end isn't just for Kyle Brady and Liberace anymore.
1) Antonio Gates (SD) – C’mon, I just wrote the dude’s name down.
2) Todd Heap (Bal.) – McNair sure as hell isn’t Kyle Boller, which is a really good thing.
3) Jeremy Shockey (NYG) – Better Eli means one of the best Fantasy TE’s gets better.
4) Tony Gonzalez (KC) – Great pick up, unless Trent Green decides to pull a Glenn Foley and suck.
5) Randy McMichael (Mia.) – Going out on a limb here, but who would you rather have throwing you the ball, Culpepper or Gus Frerotte?

Unless you’re sniffing some high quality Funny Cide brand horse glue, you should already know who comes in at No. 1, trouble starts when you rank 2 – 4.
1) Brian Urlacher (Chi.) – Until they prove otherwise, he still leads the best defense in the League.
2) Jonathan Vilma (NYJ) – Jets fans should just be happy one of their guys made the list.
3) Zach Thomas (Mia.) – Stud for the Dolphins last year with over 160 tackles. Look for him to be pissed JT is divorcing his sister too.
4) Ray Lewis (Bal.) – Ray made me promise to put him on the list. There you go Ray, now put the shank down.
5) Keith Bulluck (Ten.) – With David Thornton coming over from Indy (I refuse to discuss this further), Keith could be a madman this season.

Defensive Line:
This is basically the Defensive End category and we all know who’s coming in with the top spot.
1) Dwight Freeney (Ind.) – You know what the man is capable of…
2) Jason Taylor (Mia.) – I have a hard time ranking him #2, but honestly no one else is better.
3) John Abraham (Atl.) – Johnny should go ape not being in New York, although Herm was a good defensive coach…we’ll see.
4) Michael Strahan (NYG) – Pretty sure all that talk about “alternative lifestyles” will rouse the Sack King out of his slight 2005 stupor, having LaVar backing you up doesn’t hurt either.
5) Derrick Burgess (Oak.) – Art Shell knows how to coach a defense.

Team Defense:
We’ve already touched on No. 1, but what may be surprising, or not so surprising considering my Colt affinity is No. 2.
1) Chicago Bears – Brian Urlacher + Lovie Smith + Ron Rivera
2) Indianapolis Colts – They’re my dogs…and Mike Doss hits harder than Semi with it’s break line cut.
3) Carolina Panthers – Peppers and the boys are just really, really good.
4) Pittsburgh Steelers – Trotter says a lot of stupid stuff, but he backs it up.
5) New York Giants – No reason they shouldn’t be in the top 5 if the LB’s stay healthy.

This is the fun part, because you could look back on some of these guys around Week 6 and think, “damn, I should’ve picked him. Sure, he could’ve sucked worse than the previews of “The Covenant” but he also could’ve been as good as my picking up Dwight Freeney in the early rounds…wow, what a great pick that was!”
1) Kurt Warner (Ari.) – This guy could either do amazing things with that offense or have you fellating an exhaust pipe by mid-October.
2) Reggie Bush (NO) – Sure, it's a sexy pick but the guy's a rookie and going to be splitting the load with Deuce. Not to mention, he didn’t look all that great against Dallas last night.
3) Drew Bledsoe (Dal.)– With TO in the fold could make for a nice pick, but his TD-to-INT ratio scares me a little bit. Not to mention, you never know which Drew is going to show up.
4) Edge James (Ari.) – Too many factors at play in AZ, the O-Line is nowhere near as good as it was in Indy; not to mention Edge is no Marshall Faulk.
5) Terrell Owens (Dal.) – You’re salivating thinking about taking him right now, I know it. Personally, I think taking Owens is like leaving your blood soaked finger in a Wolf’s mouth, sooner or later…
6) Chad Johnson (Cin.) – Not going to lie, I really like him, but my boy RW gets first dibs on props.
7) Clinton Portis (Was.) – I’m worried about the shoulder; but not nearly as worried that Joe Gibbs thinks Doug Williams is still the Quarterback.
8) Donovan McNabb (Phi.) – All the Chunky Soup in the world isn’t going to make up for the fact that he has no one to throw to.
9) Michael (“Mamma said not to call me Mike”) Vick (Atl.) – Didn’t you already pick a running back?
10) Mike Vanderjagt (Dal.) – I’m tired, I'm going to sleep and if you seriously need help picking a Kicker there are much bigger problems here…

So there you go, chose wisely and remember; if I’m wrong I had nothing to do with it, but if I’m right…sing my praises. Sing my praises from the hilltops!


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