Madden Curse Update

Baseball Deemed Unimportant by Steinbrenner as Yankees Drop 2-of-3 to FAMU JV Squad

Madden Curse Update

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Well, it had to happen sooner or later; I officially took leave of my senses and picked the incomparable and amazing Duante “I Suck Worse than the Newbie at the Bunny Ranch” Culpepper and the Dolphins to cover against the Titans on Sunday. Now, nevermind the Dolphins were giving 10.5 points…and the fact that I wrote last week that I was taking the Titans, I must’ve picked up a crack pipe and filled it with some horse glue right before I made my picks. Seriously, I had a horrible week and when it was all said and done, my picks ended up looking like Big Ben’s jaw after his run-in with Martha Fleishman’s windshield.
If you’re a football watcher, then this was a fantastic weekend. Some amazing games, great plays, Chad Pennington miraculously throwing the ball more than 10 yards, the Falcons getting served by the Saints worse than Bobby after Whitney gave him the papers. If you’re not a football watcher, I think my grandmother has a copy of House and Garden for you. Speaking of looking at things that are painfully boring, I couldn’t have possibly had a worse time watching the Jets and Bears eek out victories over teams that have looked great by virtue of playing crappy teams…correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t I pick the Vikings to finish at .500 this season? The Jets went into Orchard Park with something to prove and only proved that the Bills are worse than the Jets are good. The amazing and talented J.P. Loser…er, Losman, threw for 328 yards against the supposedly good Jets secondary; yeah, they’re so good I’m guaranteeing right now Peyton Manning will throw for more than 400 yards against the Jets this Sunday (sorry Ted). How do you throw for over 300 yards, not have the opposing QB out-throw you and still lose? Oh yeah, you have to have “Lose” in your name.
As for the Bears-Vikings game? I don’t actually think there was a “highlight.” Rex Grossman threw a dart to someone in one of the quarters but I had been lulled to sleep by the visual Morphine and was unable to fully register what was taking place. Looking back on it, watching “Hollywoodland” on Sunday was better than the Bears game; and when the best thing about your movie is Ben Affleck, there’s a serious, serious problem.
As a alluded to before, big news on Monday night when the Falcons (supposedly one of the best teams in the NFL) got their asses handed to them by the Saints. Now, I firmly believe we can chalk this up to more than just and emotional home opener. You tell me when wins over Carolina (who has shown nothing this season by the way), and Tampa Bay make you a Super Bowl contender. Vick is still a strong armed running back and John Abraham couldn’t handle all of the defensive load in New York, what makes Jim “I Only Have a Job Because of My Crazy Dad” Mora, Jr. think he can handle the load in the offensively talent-laden NFC South? I’ve said this from the beginning and I just hope it gets exposed this year; Mora is a bad coach and an even worse fit for Atlanta. Although talentless 49er Coordinators seem to have a knack for getting work in the NFL…see Mike McCarthy.

Random Observations:
My grandfather told me on Monday night, before the Falcons got beaten worse than a one-legged man in a kick-boxing contest, that he used to eat horse meat in France…and that it was quite tasty? Um, yeah.
Hey Jay Cutler, don’t think just because you’re not getting playing time in Denver you’re off the hook, you still suck…big time.
Still don’t think there’s a Madden Curse? Hey Shaun Alexander, how’s that broken foot? The one you broke in a freak accident on a freak play…? Think about it, the last guy not to be felled by this thing was Barry Sanders, and he retired…not to mention, no one has seen him in like 6 years.
How do J.P. Losman and Rex Grossman out-throw Peyton Manning, seriously how?

Next Week:
Home team in CAPS...genius
Cowboys (+9.5) at the TITANS
Am I the only one who has a problem with Dallas being favored by 9.5, on the road at Tennessee? I know the Titans stink worse than a stiff gym sock; but the Dolphins didn’t cover at home against them. I can’t expect Drew “Legs of Stone” Bledsoe to enable his team to a 10-point victory on the road. I will be taking the Titans (technically) for the second week in a row.
Colts (+9) at the JETS
Did you watch Peyton Manning this weekend; I mean really watch him? He did just enough to win against one of the best defenses in the NFL this season, no over-exertion or poor decision making…and the Jets sure as hell ain’t no Jaguars. Also, you can’t tell me there’s a Jets fan out there who wouldn’t rather have Byron Leftwich and Fred Taylor over Chad and whatever schmo they’ve got running the ball…even you Ted, don’t spit on my back and tell me it’s raining. Byron and Fred take the .500 Jets to the playoffs by themselves, enough is enough with the “we love Chad, he’s so good” BS. Uh, yeah, stop kidding yourselves…Colts.
49ers at the CHIEFS (+7)
Can anyone tell me why the Chiefs are 7-point favorites? Their starting QB still thinks he’s a bumblebee; their defense is more porous that well aged Guerie and so what they’re well rested; the only former New Yorker who gets talked about worse than Herm Edwards is Jennifer Aniston. Seriously, leave Herm alone, he took you assholes to the playoffs and did the best he could with Chad, who let’s face it, has only slightly more talent than Koy Detmer…That had nothing to do with the Chiefs, I know, but I wanted to get it off my chest. I’m taking the 49ers, but I won’t tell you why…and I might change my pick depending on how surly Larry Johnson is this week.