Saturday, November 04, 2006

Week 9, Solid Pickery

NBA Kicks Off Another Season, No One Notices

Week 9, Solid Pickery

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Since you last checked out the TMQB, Drew Brees and his mama got into it, with Drew admitting that he has “virtually no relationship with his mother.” His mother, who is running for public office in Texas by the way, said that little Drew was misstating the facts and said she loved her son very much…but said she would love him more if he hired her as his agent. Curtis Martin called it a career, I mean I know he didn’t actually say he was done but then again Arnold didn’t say he was done making movies after he became governor of California and you don’t see him running around pretending to be a robot anymore.

Chiefs (-3) at Rams
Well let’s see here, a few weeks ago I might’ve been hoping to stumble in front of a Downtown 6 train rather than watch this game. Now, it’s shaping up to be among one of the better ones this weekend…I said, one of, not the best. That honor belonged to Colts-Pats back in August when the schedules were set. The Chiefs looks less than impressive last weekend against the Seahawks who fielded a 5’11” Indian Tribe as a QB to beat them. The Rams on the other hand have Bulger, who knows a thing or two about passing the ball. Also, does everyone picking the Chiefs know something I don’t? Last time I checked, they were playing this game in St. Louis, not Kansas City.

Bengals (-3) at Ravens
This is a tough one. The Ravens looked good last week, and although the Bengals lost, they did too. The question comes down to the Ravens defense and whether they’ll be able to run with the recently fined “Ocho Cinco” and Chris “Underage” Henry. If they can, and if they can get to Carson Palmer it’s going to be a very long day for Cincy. One more thing that scares me though is in terms of QB’s McNair verses Palmer is a little like sending a Rotweiler into a fight against an Elephant; sure the dog’s got some fight in him, but sooner or later the Pachyderm just has to raise and lower his foot…Still, this game is in Baltimore and the offense seems like it’s gotten a new spark with Billick at the helm.

Texans (-13) at Giants
I remember making a proclamation last week about a team with a huge spread, not the Bears, and being dead wrong. Still, I saw how David Carr played last week in Tennessee and I watched the Giants get to Gradkowski faster than Colin Farrell goes through condoms. I think the Texans could throw Sage Rosenfels or whoever else they’ve got on that team and the result would be the same. Watch this be the game Carr decides to have a breakout performance.

Titans (-10) at Jaguars
You’re probably thinking to yourself, “hmm, 10 points seems like a lot, I’m not sure if the Jags can pull it off.” Remember this, Vince Young is still more comfortable running than throwing the ball and the Tennessee coaching staff isn’t giving him the opportunity to make many mistakes; or big plays; limiting his passes to less than 20. The Jags, meanwhile, are home and coming off a big road win in Philadelphia. Garrard gets the nod from Del Rio again and this one should be smooth, like Red Velvet Cake from Maroon’s.

Cowboys (+3) at Redskins
This one kills me. It’s like watching USC play Notre Dame, I hate them both, I just have to figure out who I hate less. Once I’ve done that, I try to think rationally and take hatred out of the equation…which if I’d listened to myself last week I would’ve won our pool. The Redskins look clueless and I’m still not sure the Cowboys are for real. I have this sneaking suspicion that Washington will be able to expose Romo that way I thought the Panthers would. I like Washington at home, coming off the bye; I just can’t believe I’m going to take them with Santana Moss more questionable than Clooney’s sexuality.

Packers (-3) at Bills
Okay, sure the Bills are home and sure they’re coming off a bye week but honestly, they could come off of 3 bye weeks and this game would still be close. The Losmantastic and effervescent J.P. is still at the helm, which honestly spells doom for Buffalo. Meanwhile, Brett is playing like a man possessed; trying to break as many of Marino’s records as he can before his arm falls off. Both teams have pretty good defenses, but Green Bay seems to be hitting their stride a bit more than the Bills. I’m just hoping, for a friend’s sake, that the Sabers at least make the playoffs…looking like another long (ITAL) Winter in the B-Lo.

Saints (+1) at Bucs
The Bucs have managed to keep a lot of games close this season and have won two games they had absolutely no business winning earlier this season. It’s only been a month since these teams played each other and I’m sure each is going to come into Sunday with something to prove; especially considering the Saints were losing until Overrated Rookie “Sensation” Reggie “Show me something” Bush scored the winning TD for the Saints. Bush will be hampered by a sore ankle and although he hasn’t been a huge part of the Saints offense, the psychological effect will be much greater; kind of like Dave Navarro thinking about Dennis Rodman every time he got into bed with Carmen Electra…you just can’t help but fixate on what you haven’t got.

Falcons (-5) at Lions
So because Mike Vick has thrown for 7 TD’s in his last 2 games everyone is ready to forget the fact that he basically sucked and did nothing for the first 5 years of his career. Well, I didn’t forget and I won’ let you forget either. Vick is a fast running back with a great arm; who doesn’t study film, bother to look at a playbook or exhibit any actual patience in the pocket. All of this is evidenced by Atlanta’s running a modified option, the ultimate system for a coach to place a guy when he says “what do I do with an athletic quarterback with no actual “quarterback” talent?” Now although I just hit Vick harder than a stare from a Boston cop, he is playing the Lions; which throws some of that out the window. Still, talking to Freddy Babbs, we both agree this is probably the trap of the week.

Dolphins (-13.5) at Bears
You can’t be serious, can you? No one believed me last week when I broke out stats to prove that the Bills and Seahawks were better than the 49ers and that I was convinced the Bears would cover. Well, the Dolphins aren’t better than the Bills or Seahawks either; in fact, they might be worse than the 49ers. Ronnie Brown is having a sophomore slump to end all slumps, Nick Saban has gone from genius to Corky and Ricky Williams is probably backpacking through Vancouver; munching on Peyote; as I sit here and write this. Even scarier, the Bears aren’t showing any signs of slowing down they’re getting better.

Vikings (+5.5) at 49ers
Five and a half points seems like a lot of points to give the 49ers, but then you start thinking about how the Vikings played on Monday night and then had to fly cross-country to San Francisco. Alex Smith is still on of the worst QB’s in the NFL, but he’ll be playing at home and although the Vikes are 2 – 1 on the road, their wins have come against Washington (in Week 1) and Seattle, without Alexander and Hasselbeck (in Week 7). I just think it’s going to be tough for Minnesota to lose in Foxboro, hop on a plane and get ready play another game outside and let Brad Johnson stand around and get hit some more. Just look at the Steelers playing an afternoon barnburner against the Falcons, then mailing one in against the Raiders the following week.

Browns (-12.5) at Chargers
I saw the Browns ram it down the Jets collective throats last weekend, but I know the Browns were at home and even though they ran at will for most of the game, they still only scored 20 points. Shawne Merriman or not, the Chargers defense should easily be able to shut down Charlie Frye and the Browns defense isn’t going to be able to hold Tomlinson, even though I still (ITAL) don’t think Philip Rivers is for real. Perhaps most importantly, my new found credo of not betting on Cleveland sports teams, they might fool you like last week, but pick them, then see what happens.

Broncos (-2) at Steelers
Ugh, get me some Pepto. No one knows which Steelers team is going to show up from week to week. The one who blew out the Chiefs; the one that ran with Atlanta and lost, or the anemic team that showed up to play Oakland. Meanwhile, the Broncos offense got going against one of the worst run defenses in the League and still lost. These two teams should run the ball a lot and Pittsburgh’s defense is a lot better than the one the Colt’s have; although you wouldn’t know it the way they were shredded by Ron Mexico’s alter ego. I don’t think the Broncos score more than 17 in this one; and if I’m right, I’ve got a whole new system for picking games.

Colts (2.5) at Patriots
These are probably the two best teams in the NFL and while the Patriots are looking inexplicably good, they’re beating teams like Cincy, who’s clueless, Buffalo (twice) and the Dolphins. The Colts meanwhile, have played the Jaguars, Giants, beat the Broncos; something the Pats couldn’t do; and most importantly they are flat out finding ways to win this season as opposed to blowing everybody out. I don’t think the Colts will win 40 – 21 like last year, but I think they do win.

Raiders (-8) at Seahawks
Seneca Wallace, versus Andrew Walter? Maurice Morris, versus Lamont Jordan? Wallace played pretty well last week in a loss to Kansas City and the Chargers didn’t even win in (ITAL) Kansas City this year. Walter meanwhile, threw like 15 passes and could barely complete 35% (5-of-14 to be exact). It doesn’t matter that the Seahawks look like a MASH Unit, they still win this one on Monday night. If not, then I’m not sure I’ll know what to believe in anymore…

Random Observations:
Move over James Brown, Mike Tirico is the new Hardest Working Man in Showbiz…
I'm thinking of starting an unabashed, Sports-Related Rumor ever week and then sit back and wait for the magic to happen. This week: The PTI guys are fighting over Tony Kornheiser’s big head and are now stipulating they don’t want to be in the same studio more than twice a week.
Sunday Night, 8, p.m. EST; I’m going to be super excited. I’m hoping that around 11:15 I’ll be totally geeked.


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