Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Indy 500…whatever

Man Not Afflicted with Poison Ivy Bathes in Milk

Indy 500…whatever

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

It was an action packed weekend of sports, complete with the start of the French Open, more World Cup commercials than you could shake a stick at and the second closest finish in Indy 500 history; but we won’t be covering that because making left turns isn’t a sport. Most of my weekend, when not spending $8.75 on beer as the Yankees slaughtered the Royals or gawking at the mid-air acrobatics of Dwayne Wade, was occupied by wondering when Barry was going to hit number 715.
Bonds finally jacked number 715 on Sunday afternoon off Diamondbacks whipping boy Byung-Hyun Kim. The ball was caught by a lucky fan who was stupid enough to get up to his wife a bag of peanuts while Barry was on deck, c’mon man, call the Cracker Jack guy and be done with it.
I did miss Barry’s homer on Sunday, but I was sure to catch D-Wade doing his best Jumpman impression; dunking over the entire Pistons team Saturday night. I usually don’t get excited for basketball, but this year has been nothing short of amazing. With almost every series going to a game seven and the level of play in the stratosphere, I’m happier than Dave Letterman after a complication-free visit to his cardiologist. People talk about LeBron and how amazing he is, and not to take anything away from him, but watching Wade play the Pistons it almost looks like he could beat them with a supporting cast that consisted of Alf, Tootie, Screech and Geoffrey from the Fresh Prince.
Also cleaning up are the small basketball markets of Phoenix and Dallas, as Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki battle it out for Baddest White Dude on the Planet. While not as interesting or as flashy as the Miami-Detroit series, the Western Conference Finals still have some intrigue. For example, why Dirk decided to steal Barbaro’s teeth, I mean, c’mon man, the horse isn’t even dead!
The French Open kicked off this weekend and American James Blake is already cruising to a Third Round exit. Meanwhile, most people this side of the pond could care less because amazing, but non-American, players like Roger Federer and Amelie Mauresmo are almost assured of going far. I can understand though, some of the fun of watching does go away when they tell you Rafael Nadal is going to win ahead of time.
The NHL Playoffs trudged on this weekend with Buffalo…oh, who am I kidding, hockey just isn’t as appealing as it used to be and with teams like Buffalo and Carolina representing the East I’m losing interest faster than fans of the Sopranos. Playoff hockey should be awesome, it used to be, but Gary Bettman a/k/a Worst Commissioner in Sports has no idea what he’s doing. Oh yeah, the strike didn’t help either.

Random Observations:
Flip Saunders, with the understatement of the weekend saying of his Pistons being down 3-1 to the Heat; “every game now becomes like an NCAA Tournament game.” Flip, Detroit could’ve made it this far with Whoopi Goldberg at the helm.
Indy 500 tradition in which the winner pours milk on himself; more disgusting than the new Famous Bowls from KFC.
Ben Wallace. 18.75% free throw percentage? Wow…wow!
I know next to nothing about the difference between playing on clay or grass, but 54 straight wins on clay is ridiculous!
Watching Harold Reynolds and John Kruk shut Steve Phillips up, while explaining that steroids or no steroids what Barry has done is still pretty amazing, was more refreshing than an ice cold Shasta Cola.

Next Week:
Steve McNair finally becomes a Raven…?
Gatorade wastes another $40 million on the “Whole New Ballgame” campaign.
Carolina and Edmonton square off for Lord Stanley’s cup in front of 126 screaming fans.

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