Playoff Starter Kit

Crowds Cheer as Bonds Breaks Ruth’s Record, Bonds Wakes Up

Playoff Starter Kit

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I’m sure you’re all waiting with bated breath for the NFL Draft Preview and you won’t have to wait much longer, the finishing touches are being applied and your three scoops of Sportsinbran will be ready for your consumption soon.
In the meantime, let’s take a look at what’s going on around the sports world…
A couple of 7 seeds are beating up on the 2 seeds in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, with Carolina and Dallas down 2 – 0 to Montreal and Colorado respectively. New Jersey is making their playoff run look easy so far, although playing the Blundering Broadway Blueshirts definitely helps; although watching Jaromir Jagr injure himself taking a swing at Scott Gomez was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while. Personally, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the match up everyone wanted to see in the 90’s; Devils – Red Wings. No Scotty Stevens, no Sergi Federov; but hey they’re two of the best, we should be so lucky as to have the series be decided in triple overtime of game 7.
Speaking of things that will probably never happen, the Denver Nuggets started the playoffs well, losing two games at home to the LA Clippers. I honestly, couldn’t be less interested in this or any other series; and now that the NBA Playoffs have been extended to slightly longer than the Directors Cut of The Passion of The Christ, I’ll find out what’s going on in June or July. Seriously though, the Nuggets have about as good of a shot getting out of this series as Mandy Moore does recovering from the career suicide that was “American Dreamz.”
Also living in Dreamland are the San Diego Padres and manager Bruce Bochy who allowed the teams full-time massage therapist to not only sit in the dugout during the game, but to don a uniform. This led Mets announcer Keith Hernandez to ask, “who’s that girl sitting in the dugout? "I won't say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout…I’m only teasing, you know I love you gals out there.” I suppose it’s only fitting, on the twenty year anniversary of the Mets World Series win, that members of that team are still doing stupid things.
Kellie Pickler level intelligence seems to be contagious in April however; as the Texans are now, “seriously contemplating” taking NC State defense end Mario Williams with the first pick in the draft. While Williams may be the better fit for Houston who needs all the help they can get on defense, it’s going to be very tough to pass up Mr. Puts-Asses-in-the-Seats.

Random Observations:
A word on Houston taking Williams over Bush. Want to ever have a shot at beating Indy? Draft Williams. Want to make tons of money? Draft Bush.
I could go out on a limb and say the Texans are going to take VY with the first pick, but they’re not, so I won’t.
The Mets are actually good, which is more surprising than Unan1mous being top ten in the Neilsen’s.

Next Week:
With the first pick in the 2006 NFL Draft, the Houston Texans select: Reggie Bush, running back, University of Southern California.
Stay tuned, next week, Keith asks, “who are all the black guys on the field?” while Gary Carter & Kevin Mitchell are arrested driving Nate Newton’s weight in marijuana through Texas.
The Jets are almost assured of drafting someone who will be a bigger flop than Celebrity Cooking Showdown. I mean, c’mon, it’s the Jets.