Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Opening Day Report

Syringe Thrown at Bonds, Missing

Opening Day Report

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

I got in bed last night confident that UCLA couldn't overcome its second double-digit deficit of the Tournament and certainly couldn't come back against a stronger team like Florida; turns out, for once, I was right. The Gators laid the smackdown on the Bruins 73 - 57 to win their first basketball National Championship in school history. During Florida's amazing run they only trailed once at halftime, during their Sweet 16 game against Georgetown. Joakim Noah, son of former French Open winner and current Parisian reggae star Yannick Noah, did most of the dirty work for the boys from Gainesville winning Most Outstanding Player honors and luckily for them, the team is comprised predominantly of sophomores not interested in jumping ship just yet. After the game, Noah was quoted as saying, "to all of our professors, don't be mad if no homework gets done for the next couple weeks." Well, if Noah keeps playing like that, he won't have to worry about doing homework ever again. UCLA, on the other hand, clawed their way to the finals playing some self-admitted "ugly basketball." They never really got going in the Finals, and looked like a bigger train wreck than Basic Instinct 2.
Staying in bed didn't last long however; as I ran downstairs like a kid on Christmas morning about 30 seconds too late to catch A-Rod's first dinger of the season, a grand slam off of Barry Zito. Zito, the supposed ace of Oakland's staff, threw just 59 pitches and got touched up for 7 runs, 4 hits and 3 walks in just 1.1 innings of work; the shortest outing of his career. Before we give the Yankees trophy #27, we should remember last season started with Randy Johnson beating the Red Sox and ended with a loss to the Angels, crybabies of the ALCS. Still, every Yankee starter but Posada had a hit and this team could make it a very long season for the rest of the American League.
An entire week has gone by since my last installment, and the Knicks are still stuck on 19 wins. I can't even begin to draw a comparison to anything, they just stink out loud. And every time you think you can't make fun of them anymore, they come through in the clutch, like the Paul O'Neill of bad karma. The question is, who is the worse team, the Houston Texans or the Knicks. A few months ago, I said I thought at least 5 college teams could have beaten the Texans; at this point, I think the McDonald’s All Americans could beat the Knicks. Although New York holds a slight edge in the win percentage department; .260 - .125, Houston was at least competitive and the season isn’t over yet for New York.
Speaking of teams that make good decisions, the Buffalo Bills let defensive tackle Sam Adams sign with Cincinnati and are now without a three time Pro Bowl, run-stopper in the middle. If things keep up like this, Buffalo just might sign possible North Carolina Congressman, Heath Shuler to compete for the starting quarterback job. Then, in another head-scratcher, the Titans barred Steve McNair from the practice facility until he "worked out his contract," which his agent and the rest of the football loving population thought he had already done. It's nice to know that McNair could be released and the Jets have the immobile Patrick Ramsey and the Girl Scout armed Chad Pennington instead of the former MVP. Especially after acknowledging it will be hard for his client to return to the Titans, looks like we can pencil in the AFC South for the Colts again.
I’m sure this comes from up on high, so it’s a little distressing when I’m watching something meaningless, like the Finals for the Women’s NCAA or Monkey kickboxing and ESPN doesn’t cut away when Barry Bonds is at bat; the last time I witnessed such a travesty of television was when FOX cancelled My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss.

Random Observations:
The only things in the Bay Area higher than Barry Zito’s 47.25 ERA last night were the kids at UC Berkley.
Watching LSU play like high schooler's against UCLA, and only scoring 45 points in the process, was probably the most embarrassing thing I've seen since stumbling across Anna Benson's My Space page.
Aside from hosting Charlotte on March 17, I think it's very possible the Knicks could lose every remaining game on their!
Paris Hilton granted a little girls wish last week, but for some reason she’s still alive...

Next Week:
Whatever is on Medium this week...
The Ravens will sign another high profile Titans starter and do nothing with it.


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